As I sit here, eating cookie dough-flavoured ice cream, I have come to the realisation that I'm
BURNT. OUT.
Counting today, there are 30 days until school starts...
This means I only have ONE MONTH to get into shape and get my life back together.
I went on a journey to upload a video daily onto my YouTube channel, after realising that my channel has lost its "hype" and plateaued in subscribers...
Only to be left with deteriorating mental health, working full-time without pay or time for anything else, and insignificant channel analytics.
Did my subscriber count go up? Yes, but the rate was the exact same as when I uploaded only weekly.
Maybe the fans saw it too, and maybe before I did...
I prioritised quantity over quality.
My fans weren't getting their daily dose of "Cory Carson" videos...
They were getting a pile of rubbish the size of Mount Everest.
In order to have time for...everything and HAVE A LIFE, I need to start focusing on the quality of my videos., and if that means taking time to create just one, then I'll just upload less frequently.
I've also readjusted my daily routine. I need to prepare myself for school. I want to have a morning routine that would prepare me for the day, and be one that I can finish within time constraints.
This school year will be the year that I head to school on my own. Since Espinoza's will be moving out soon, I may have to assist my little brother in the morning as well. That's something to keep in mind. Both of us have to be in TIP-TOP shape, standing outside 10 minutes before (Brandon's bus comes 5 minutes before mine), and we can NEVER EVER miss a day.
Otherwise, I'd be dead meat.
Why "I'd" instead of "we'd"? Simple: Brandon's a golden child. Who'd want to punish a retard like him? If he murdered someone, he'd still go to jail. There's no sympathy in court for special needs individuals. Good luck trying to rule out that he's "insane". Using a disability isn't going to get you out of trouble. If that were the case, then every special needs person is "insane".
I'm also speaking from experience.
When Brandon called Patrick an "ass", he received spirited laughter from Ana and Patrick.
When I said the word "dumb" (referencing a problem on my maths homework), I was automatically the "biggest sinner to humankind" according to Ana.
Life isn't fair.
I've found my new daily routine.
And this time...I'LL STICK TO IT.
Tomorrow, I start the new life that I WILL carry into the school year and I WILL ALWAYS be able to be at least 5-minutes early for EVERYTHING!
I have under a month to glow up, gain intelligence, and get my life together.
I'm ready. Let's do this!
