Amour [h.s]

☼ ten ☼

"I changed who I was to put you both first, but now I give up"

☼ ☼ ☼

Trigger warning: domestic arguments and slight physical violence (between Harry & Leo, you're welcome)

Amelie

It's been ten whole days since I told Harry everything. With the promise that he wouldn't tell a soul. I'm not entirely sure why I trusted him in that moment, but it felt right. It felt like a weight off my shoulders, I didn't feel as though I was keeping a dirty secret to myself anymore.

Harry had cried with me that day. It was an eye-opener to see someone else so distressed over me, over my life. I had never thought on how much it could impact other people.

I shied away from ever telling Maggie the full truth. I knew it would hit a little too close to home for her. Her parents had a similar relationship to Leo and I, her mother was an alcoholic, and her father was trapped in a relationship he couldn't get out of. 

Maggie was also in university, studying relentlessly to become a midwife. She was a very busy woman, she worked two jobs, whilst studying, and trying to support her sister who was single parenting, as well as me. She was too good for this Earth.

Harry seemed to be a good outlet for exposing my vulnerabilities to. He's been incredibly supportive. Constantly checking in on Milo and I, and overall, just being a friend. And so far, he hasn't broken his promise.

We've been in the studio nearly every day, for hours on end, practicing and perfecting every move. I had been sat down with Georgie, watching multiple of Harry's filmed performances, and I was totally in awe of his stage presence. He's a completely different  person on stage. He's naturally outgoing and has such a serotonin-boosting vibe about him, but he really looked as though he was the happiest man alive on stage.

I can't wait to feel like that. I can't wait to experience happiness.

Though, I won't be with my sunshine, and that's destroying me internally. I try to get it off my mind, but the reality of leaving him behind is too much for me to bare.

Harry helps to take my mind off of it, he keeps telling me that we'll sort it, that everything will work out. But Leo won't budge.

It's hard to find a light at the end of the tunnel sometimes. Especially when Leo is involved.

He was out, at his friend Cassius' house today and wasn't back until this afternoon, which meant I had a very peaceful morning, getting Milo and I ready for our busy day. Apparently the band are wearing boiler suits for this tour, which took me by surprise, but we'd all be matching and the band would look more pleasing. So today, we're getting measured for the outfits.