Amour [h.s]

☼ thirty ☼

"I always think about you and how we don't speak enough"

☼ ☼ ☼

Amelie

I've been staying at Harry's for the past two days, going back to my rented accommodation just didn't feel right. I felt at home within Harry's house, and he was over the moon when I had told him I would stay.

He's been a great help with Milo too, he's almost taken up the dad role, which I refuse to bring into conversation. I'm not too sure how I really feel about it.

The thought of Harry being Milo's dad.

Part of me jumps at the idea, I couldn't think of anyone better to be Milo's dad. But the other half of me is very torn. I've only known Harry for a couple of months, I can't just hand him the father role and expect him to be happy with it. I don't know what his feelings are regarding being a father, and especially if he's even wants to be a father to Milo.

Harry and I aren't official.

Though I'd like to be, our relationship isn't official.

I don't want to have the conversation with him, and then scare him off. It's not fair to just load that role on Harry. He's still got huge responsibilities, he's young, he's touring, he's living an incredible life and a baby would only slow that down. I know that from experience.

And I also know how much easier life would be if my family were still involved in my life. I know for certain that I wouldn't rely on Harry as much if my family were still present.

I've been thinking about them a lot recently.

I had barely thought about them until Harry brought them up on our date in Poland. And for the first time in years, I had actually thought about contacting them, or attempting to anyway. There's no saying if they'll want to participate in any communication with me. It's my fault for not contacting them too.

A phone works two ways, and neither of us have ever made any attempts to make amends to our relationship. There's fault on both sides.

Though, if it wasn't for Leo, they would still be in my life. If he hadn't had gotten so mad about my brother complimenting my dress on my wedding day, then it wouldn't have got so out of hand, everyone had been drinking, the argument escalated and we ended the night with Leo calling my brother a fucking predator for saying I looked like a princess, it's funny how the tables turn. My brother Artie, was wound up in a hospital bed after Leo broke his nose. My whole wedding was ruined.

Leo had ruined my whole day.

It was my special day, and he ruined it.

And now I've haven't spoke to my family in years. They've missed a whole lifetime. They've missed on so many magical moments.