Amour [h.s]

☼ eleven ☼

"I know they said the end is near, but I'm still on my tallest tiptoes, spinning in my highest heels, love, shining just for you"

☼ ☼ ☼

Trigger warning: slight mention of suicidal thoughts

Please just remember how much you love me when reading this :)
And everyone will get their happy ending (apart from Leo)

Amelie

When my alarm rang out this morning, signalling that unfortunately it was time for me to get up, I wished I wasn't alive. I wish so desperately that I was no longer on this earth, so I didn't have to part with my baby boy.

But then I feel gentle pats against my cheeks. Milo's slobbery hand innocently smacking me in the face, as my wake up call. The greatest wake up call. I wouldn't ask for anything else.

I wasn't sure when I would see Milo again. Or, if I would ever see him again.

So I took my time this morning, soaking up every last inch of him whilst I still can.

"Oh my baby boy" I gush wrapping him in my arms and placing a kiss on his cheek. I wasn't prepared for us to be separated just yet. I wasn't prepared to live my life without my son.

"What's mummy going to do without you, huh?" I ask him quietly, peppering his little face with a million kisses.

"Am I doing the wrong thing?" I say aloud, but really I'm asking myself.

Does this make me a bad mother?

I'm trying to make things better in the long run. Though, I'm now not sure if this was my brightest idea. It seemed like a good idea when I applied for the job.

"My little sunshine, I'm going to miss you so much" I whisper to him. Tears already gathering in my waterline, and I haven't even left the bed yet. If it was up to me, I'd never leave this bed. I'm right here, with my little boy, and that's all that matters.

"We should get up, Auntie Goldie is coming over." Maggie was coming to take me to our meeting place, where we were going to load up the bus, and go on our way. She's going to try and do her absolute best to keep an eye on Leo. But I'm well aware, he's likely to slip between the cracks.

As much as Leo is an idiot, he's also annoyingly smart. He knows his tactics and he knows exactly how to commit crimes without getting caught.

He had gone out last night to 'get fucked'. I hadn't figured out if he meant getting drunk, or literally getting fucked. It could be either with Leo. I hadn't heard him come back last night, so he could still be naked in another girls bed.