Amour [h.s]

☼ forty seven ☼

"I need him like water, he lives on a landslide, I cry in his bathroom, he turns off the big light"

☼ ☼ ☼

Trigger warning: grief and everything that comes with it </3

Amelie

"Good morning my biggest baba" I coo to Milo who sits in his high chair, happily eating the breakfast that Harry is feeding him.

I appreciate that Harry is still caring for him, because walking up the stairs is hard for me, let alone caring for a toddler. I wouldn't even be able to lift him up.

"Mama!" Milo squeals, the biggest smile taking over his face. He's so happy to see me.

At least someone is.

The same can't be said for Harry who sits beside Milo, handing him little slices of toast with a face like thunder. His eyes and red and puffy like he's been crying all night.

I feel for him.

I want to wrap my arms around him but there's a huge thing keeping us apart. A huge block wedged in between us, stopping us from communicating.

"Hi baby" I lead down carefully, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"Baba oh?" He points at my stomach which is now a lot flatter than it used to be. He's not dumb.

"Mama had the babas" I smile at him, giving my stomach a gentle rub to show him it's empty.

"Baba" he whispers chewing on a piece of toast.

"Yeah, babas" I say, sitting opposite him with my phone in my hand, ready to show him his little siblings.

"Look, this is your little sister" I tell him, showing him a picture of Amora just hours before she slipped away from us. "This is Amora Rose, your sister" I introduce him to her, though she'll forever be a photo to him. He'll never know what it was like to love her.

"Baba" Milo whispers, reaching out to touch the screen with his buttery fingers.

It's not until I hear a sniff from Harry that I realise he's sitting there in tears. The seconds our eyes meet, he's throwing Milo's toast down on the plate in front of him and pushing his chair back so he can leave.

"Harry-" I go to call out but he's already half way up the stairs.

Our relationship needs work.

"And this is Bodhi Rue, your little brother" my fingers flick through the photos showing him a photo of Bodhi I took last night.

"Oh" he babbles pointing at the screen.

"It's Bodhi" I repeat, my fingers sliding to show him another photo of when Bodhi was a day old, but not before Milo spots a photo of Harry holding Amora.