Amour [h.s]

☼ thirty three ☼

"Guess I'm kind of flattered but I'm scared as well, something like a magic spell"

☼ ☼ ☼

THIS IS PART OF A DOUBLE UPDATE BE SURE TO READ 32 FIRST

Amelie

Harry and I haven't been communicating as well as we should have. He's hurt that I didn't want him to tell me that he loved me. So I've distanced myself, not wanting to come face to face with the confrontation.

I can't explain why, but it made me feel uncomfortable, knowing that he loves me.

I can't understand why he'd love me. I can't understand why he'd feel that way about me.

I'm not mad at him, I'm just confused.

I always though I was the problem with Leo. I always though I was unlovable.

I gave every ounce of my love to Leo, even though he didn't deserve it, I gave him everything. I gave him all of my love to get nothing in return. And here I am now, giving all my love once again, but this time, I'm receiving exactly what I'm putting out into the world. I'm receiving what I'm giving. And it's unusual.

It's new. And I don't know how to react. I don't know how to take it.

It's scary to think that we both love each other after only knowing one another for four months. It's a strong emotion to have so soon in a relationship.

We've only officially been dating for a couple of days and the L word is already being used to strongly.

I'm not brave enough to say it back just yet.

I haven't slept next to him in three days. He hasn't wrapped his arms around me or whispered sweet nothings into my ear. He still helps out with Milo, rocking him back to sleep when he wakes up during the night, he's helped with nappy changes and still insists on giving him breakfast every morning.

But we've just been distant. It's not quite the same.

There's a weird aura around us. There's something huge, pulling us away from each other. Neither of us want to talk, but I think it's time.

I can't live like this any longer, avoiding him, sleeping alone, creating conversations as minimal as possible. I hate this weird routine we've fallen into.

And I can't cope with the silence anymore.

"We need to talk" I tell him, he's hunched over on the floor, feeding Milo a snack, luckily none of our behaviours are being taken out on Milo.

The dreaded phrase shooting him into a pit of anxiety. He snaps his head to face me, searching my frame as if he would find an answer.

"I can't live like this anymore Harry- we need to speak" I break the silence. I know Harry has been wanting to break this spell, every time he engages with me, it's like he's about to finally speak up, but then he backs down and decides it's not the right time.