Live|Laugh|No Love

27

Two days have went by. Niall and liam have both called and texted several times trying to get me to let one of them come and stay with Louis a few hours for me to go and get a shower and some decent rest. A nice hot shower and sleep sounds great but the thing is, I can't leave him.   Not that I can't, it's really because I don't want to. I want to be here when he wakes up. Not ifs because he's doing very good. He got that god forsaking big tube taken out of his throat. They tested to see if he could breath on his own when they took it out and he passed the test. They still have his oxygen in his nose and his iv running but other than that everything is going good, he just hasn't woken up. The nurse told me last night I could lay in the bed with Louis if I wanted, because she knows the lounge chairs in the rooms aren't comfortable. I took her up on that and have been laid up beside Louis the last ten hours. I'm watching the small tv hanging on the wall, not sure what I'm even watching but I'm trying to keep my mind occupied so it doesn't trail off to the bad horrid thoughts again. I have the volume at a minimum, one of my arms is tucked between me and Louis and the other arm is rested on half my body with my hand holding Louis. I feel my eyes getting heavy again from not having a decent amount of sleep. When I feel my eyes close I feel something shift beside of me. My heavy eyes blink open. I look at Louis, his eyes are still closed and his breathing is soft, with no body movement. I scoot down getting my self comfortable again. I lay my head on his shoulder and move my arm to the middle part of louis stomach making sure I don't put pressure on his wounds. I rest my eyes listening to him breathe.

"I didn't leave you love." My head shoots up. Louis face is scrunched up. His voice is horse and dry.

"Louis?" My voice almost to low to hear. His eyes are still closed. His lips are a little chapped.

"You need me, I couldn't leave just yet." He mumbles.

"Holy fuck! Louis! You- I- you're awake." My voice coming out excitedly with my smile beaming. He gives me a half smile

"Hey Harry."

"Yes? What? What is it!"

"I'm awake." He says with a shit eating grin. My hand comes up to his cheek. My nose brush's his, my lips are automatically like a magnet being pulled into his. He lazily pulls back.

"Have they even brushed my teeth!" He groans and it makes me giggle.

"No baby, they've just made sure to keep you comfortable and out of pain. I however did clean you up with a wash cloth the first night and last night." Louis smile goes away. He groans in pain bringing his hand to his abdomen.

"Do you need some more pain meds? I've got to tell the nurse you're awake anyways." He nods, his face filled with pain.

"Harry?" I stop midways of sitting up.

"Is zayn..." I drop my head.

"Im lucky enough to still have you to help me get through it." I lift my kids pressing my lips in a tight line with a small smile. Louis eyes are filming over with tears. The brim of his eyes are reddening.

"I- I seen- I- he fell into my arms Harry, I had his blood all over me. I tried, I tried to save him. I promise, I- I tried but Taden. H-." I grab Louis hand wiping away his tears with the other one.

"Hey, hey calm down baby. You tried your best. We all know you did lou, but you know what?" He looks up at me.

"You didn't let him die alone, you stayed with him. I'm sure you had a chance to run while Taden was focused on zayn but you didn't lou. You're so fucking brave baby."

"It's my fault Harry."

"No Louis, it's not your fault. Why would you even think that?"

"Because it is!" He tries to raise his voice but groans out in pain.

"We will talk about all of this after you're better, right now I'm going to get the nurse. You just woke up, we don't need to be going over any of this and having you think back on it repeatedly." I stand up.

"Think back on it? Harry that night will forever be in my fucking mind! It'll be on replay every fucking day repeatedly!" I turn and chew the inside of my cheek.

"I understand that lou but right now, you need to think about yourself and getting better." I walk out into the hall and tell the nurse Louis awake and that he's in pain.

After Louis gets some pain medication he drifts off asleep. I call Niall and zayn updating them.

"He's going to need therapy I'm pretty  sure." I tell them.

"So he knows about Z?"

"Yea, said he tried to save him and I told him he didn't leave zayn alone, when I'm sure he had the chance to run but he didn't. He's brave but he's saying it's his fault. He already screamed at me not that I'm complaining. I'd rather have him screaming and throwing a fit, than not have him here or not speaking."

"Do you think he'll be the same Louis you knew before this?"

"No, no I don't. He's going to be different after all of this traumatic shit but that won't change anything. I'll still love him the same. He'll just need help and I'll be there for him whenever he needs me. No matter how ugly his outbursts will get." I say. Niall liam and I talk for a few more minute.  I hang up and lay back in the bed with Louis. The lunch lady brings in a tray for Louis placing it on the small rolling tray on the other side of the bed.

"Are you hungry sweetie? I can bring you a tray up?"

"Usually I'd deny the offer but to be honest, I've not eaten anything since I've been here with him."

"Oh dear! why haven't you said anything!"

"Honestly ma'am, I was just worried about him. My mind wasn't on anything else, it surly wasn't on myself." I give her a light smile.

"I'll be right back with you a food tray doll." She rushes out of the room. A few minutes later like she said, she's walking in the room with a food tray for myself. She lays it on my lap and hands me a coke.

"I'll be sure to tell Sofia to bring two trays to this room. Sofia is the one who takes over next shift."

"Thank you, I really appreciate it darling." I tell her. She exits the room with a smile sliding the doors shut. I look down at the tray and the food dosent look shitty like usual hospital food is. I have some chicken tenders that are freshly hot, French fries, sliced peaches, a blue berry muffin, chocolate pudding and this ice cold coke can. When I'm finished I throw away the remaining of what's left and slide the tray on the side table. I lay back beside of Louis and wrap my arm around him gently, kissing his soft cheek. I decide to rest my eyes until the next round of nurses come in to check on Louis. I open my eyes one last time to look at the love of my life one more time.

"We'll be alright." I whisper to him soon closing my eyes.