Live|Laugh|No Love

30

I grab a duffel bag from my closet and go to my dresser pulling out articles of clothing from each drawer. Going back to the closet I grab a few shirts knocking clothes hangers on to the floor. When I'm finished stuffing things into my bag I set it on the floor by the bed. I open the night stand drawer on my side and grab my journal out with my pen and sit down on the bed. I don't want to leave without letting him know I'm gone. I can't just leave him like I'm a ghost. The pen point start gliding across the paper until it's completely filled with words. When I'm finished I slide an envelope out of the drawer and start a sketch of hands. Fingers trying to touch but the distance between them is making it impossible. When I'm finished I slide the letter in it and lay it on his pillow staring at it for a few seconds. I stand up with a deep breath and grab my bag putting it on my shoulder. Walking out of the room I stop and look back at the bed one more time.

"I'm going to miss you so fucking much. This is the second hardest thing I've ever had to do. Knowing your here but I can't be around is what's going to kill me the most." I talk out loud as if he's sitting in front of me. With those last words I shut the bedroom door and walk out of the house.

X

"You sure you want to do this?" Niall asks throwing his bag inside the truck.

"No I don't want to fucking do this. What kind of question is that Niall? Of course I don't want to leave him but I know he's not going to get better if I'm here. If I'm here I'll not give him the time he needs."

"Alright, didn't have to bite my head off." I blow out shaking my head. When he's in the truck we start on the road.

"Here's to a fresh, clean start." Niall says lighting his cigarette and passing it to me.

"I don't want a new life is the sad thing."

"No, you want a new life just not without Tommo. I get it mate."

"Do you Niall? Do you really?"

"I mean I don't fully get it because I've never had a committed relationship nor have I fallen in love but I'd say it hurts like a bitch doing what you're doing and you're a strong as mother fu-."

"We're going to die before we get there!" Niall yells out.

"Missed the exit." I say as if I didn't whip into a lane of vehicles going seventy miles an hour.

"Watch what the hell you're doing."

"Stop bloody talking to me then. You're distracting me."

"Well forgive the shit out of me for thinking distracting you would help you."

"Nothings going to help Ni."

X

Sitting the envelope on the night stand I try to stop the tears but they seem to keep coming out like a drain has been unplugged. I lay on the bed and curl into a ball holding harrys pillow. I'm such and idiot. I'm so fucked up right now I ended up pushing away the only person I have left. I told him it was his fault and it wasn't, I did it, everything was my fault and tadens! Taden done this but I caused it.

"Harry!" I scream into the pillow grabbing my ribs feeling a sharp pain. I gasp holding my breath. I blow out easily trying to get a steady breathing pattern back so I don't have a panic attack. I reach my other hand into my hoodie pocket and grab my phone. I dial Harry's number and put the phone to my ear.

* The number you have dialed has been disconnected, please ha-*

"No, no no no no." I pull his text up and send a text.

*L- it's not your fault.please come back.*
Not delivered!

"FUCK!" I scream out throwing my phone against the wall watching it bounce off and hitting the floor.