Live|Laugh|No Love

33

LOUIS

"What are you feeling today Louis?" Glenn my therapist asks me. I'm sitting with my knees pulled into my chest with my arms hugging them staring into space out of her big bay window in her office.

"Nothing." I say lowly.

"You feel nothing?" I keep my eyes on the window and shake my head.

"Not a single thing. Well... the only thing I do feel is... I feel dead."

"What do you want to feel?" I take a deep breath.

"Anything."

"Give me some words to work with Tomlinson." She cracks a smile. I give her a half grin.

"Mmm, happiness, loved, normal?" I say now looking at my arms hugging my legs.

"Let's start with happiness!" She says with a smile.

"Uh yea? Ok, I guess." I say. She starts looking through her stack of papers in her lap and looks up through her eye lashes with a light smile.

"Harry Styles." My head instantly raises with my chin in the air and I can feel my eyes become less lazy.

"Can you tell me a little about him?"

"Ooh, you mean the one you told me I needed to stay away from to focus on myself?" She throws her head to the side.

"You know it's very important to focus on you and only you right now. In the state you're in, you need time to yourself."

"Yea yea." I roll my eyes scoffing.

"Now come on. You want to feel happiness, tell me about Harry."

"Why do you think that'll make me feel happiness?"

"Are you serious? You should've seen yourself when I said his name." She grins.

"Well I can tell you that, just the mention of his name makes me less sad but in the same way I'm still sad..."

"Go on."

"I get happy when I hear his name because many memories come with his name. I also get sad because when I hear his name, well... I look for him to be in the room knowing he's not going to be anywhere I look."

"Why does he make you happy?" I shake my head with a non noticeable smile.

"He's perfect. He thinks he isn't, but he is. Everything about him is perfect. He has flaws and has made mistakes but we all do. He makes me happy because he would always try to cheer me up and even if I was ready to rip his head off of his shoulders he would still some how find away to make me laugh and get over whatever it was I was mad at him over. I'm his first relationship, well was...  a lot of his first with me and a lot of mine were with him. We helped each other, we were each other's escapes for many reasons. I changed him into someone him nor any of his friends thought they'd ever see. He always would say 'you saved me' 'I've became a better person because of you' and I remember when he'd tell me that, I'd just smile because it made me feel great, because someone like me was able to help him. I was lucky to have him. I still can't believe I did have him. Have you seen him? If you've ever seen him you'd know why I consider myself lucky." I say raising my brows. My last few words causes Glenn to chuckle and shake her head.

"You're a catch to Louis. Don't put yourself down Mr. Did Harry ever try to boost your confidence?"

"Oh yea, All the time. He would get so mad if I'd say something bad about myself and then proceed to give me a list of things that he loved about me and he'd go on about every feature or piece of my body that's 'beautiful' and 'perfect'. So yes. He always tried."