Live|Laugh|No Love

35

"Are you sure you don't want to go and walk on the stage today?" Liam asks me walking to the front door.

"Nope, I'll receive my diploma in the mail."

"You know what Glenn said lou."

"Yea I do, she also said being away from Harry to focus on myself would be better for me but that's a load of bull shit."

"Louis."

"Don't Louis me liam! It's bull shit! If anything I've gotten more depressed from not being with him. Hence me staying in his fucking room, in the dark, holding his stupid pillow like it's going to magically turn into him. So no Liam, don't fucking Louis me."

"Alright, alright mate chill out. Maybe tell her you think you've had enough time to yourself? See what she thinks."

"She knows how badly I want to see him or even talk to him. It's like she doesn't want me doing either of those things and I- I just don't get it. It's like she has it out for him or some shit."

"Maybe it's because, I mean, don't take this the wrong way-."

"Payno, if you're about to say any of this could be just a hair of Harry's fault I swear to fuck my foot will be so far up your goddamn ass the doctors will have to surgically remove it. Got it? Choose your words wisely lad." I stare at Liam, his eye brows are raised and his lips are parted.

"I-."

"Well are you going to finish your sentence? No? Didn't fucking think so. Now see your self out of the house." I glare at him turning on my heels stomping up to the bedroom. I grab the small black journal from the nightstand with a pen and flip down on the bed with a heavy breath.

May
Maybe I should've chilled out but he was making my blood boil by saying this is or was your fault. I know I've said it before but it was out of fucking anger, this isn't anyone's fault but my own. I chose to do the shit I did! Nobody, not one single person made me do the things I've chosen to do. Especially not you... you've done nothing but the opposite. You wanted me better, you wanted me to make better decisions and I didn't, and for that reason, for those stupid fucking mistakes I chose to do, I fucked up! I almost lost my life, I costed your best friends life but I wear I tried, I really tried to save him H. And the bad decisions I chose made me lose you, the only person that means anything to me. The only one who makes the dark clouds move away for the sun. I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts me more than the fucking bullet wounds could ever think about hurting. Glenn is so full of shit! She's not coming out and being blunt but I really think she's against you and thinks it's your fault just like Liam. Staying away from you, not hearing your voice or seeing you isn't making me any better. It's making my depression worse. I know you were only doing what you thought was right but Harry, I need you, I need you now more than ever baby. You could've given me a fucking week to recover and do what the hell ever else I'm supposed to be doing and maybe that would've been enough time for me. You didn't even give me an option. I'm so fucking pissed at you. I mean I'm so goddamn angry at you Harry.

-Louis-

I close the journal and slide it back in the night stand laying back on the bed. I watch the ceiling fan circle feeling my eyes getting heavy. I jump up shaking my head. I grab my phone and go online.

I go to 'royal college of art' and apply.

*The next few things will be Louis journal entry's!*

X
June
I got into the college I applied for. I did what you asked me to do. I leave tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about being on my own in a big place like the UK but it'll give me a new chapter in life, new beginning. Fresh start innit? Every day that goes by without you, I can't help but wonder what you're up to, if you've changed back to being a complete ass to everyone, if you're still clean, if you're alive or somewhere dead and me not even know it. I've still not been sleeping good. The medication they have me doesn't seem to help, I just know if I had you sleeping beside of me they'd go away. Anyways enough about being sappy. Thank you for leaving the money you left, You didn't have to do that and it was plenty enough. I already got a small house waiting for me when I take off tomorrow. I went ahead and done some house searching while waiting on my email from the college. I still have plenty of money left to help me until I get a job. Liam said to tell you hi but I told him he didn't deserve to get a hi back. I'm still pissed at him. He left a weeks ago to New York. He got into some kind of modeling agency. They seen his pictures on Instagram and after that, the modeling company went crazy over him. Anyway, I hope you're doing well love.
I miss you
-L-