Lyla!

Gold!

The new year came and went in the blink of an eye. 1998. I spent the night sat in on my own with nothing but a packet of Oreos and a bottle of Prosecco to keep me company while watching reruns of friends. My runway show was tomorrow, I'd phoned Noel to let him know but he didn't answer. Whenever I tried to phone him he didn't answer. I blamed the different time zones. Most days I woke up to a missed call and a voice mail from him telling me that he loved me and he missed me.

I woke up and felt the urge to be sick again, it had been happening more and more frequently over the past few weeks which made me slightly concerned. After I had gotten ready, I hopped into the taxi which was waiting at the bottom of the drive for me ready to take me to the royal Albert hall for the fashion show. Once we pulled up, I was besieged by a swarm of butterflies in my stomach. My hands started to shake. What if I fuck it up?? I thought. What if they laugh at me?? I tried to shake off the intrusive thoughts the best I could. There was no time for self doubt.

I was escorted backstage to the area where the stylists were ready to do my hair and makeup. The director of the show quickly spat out instructions to me "you're pretty much the centerpiece of my show Lyla darling, so when you reach the end of the runway, I need you to stand there and pose a bit for a few seconds so that everyone can get their photographs, then you walk back and repeat for each outfit"
I agreed hesitantly, overwhelmed by the fast pace environment that I'd suddenly been thrown into head first. My hair was pinned into 1920's style pin curls and sprayed gold.

By 7pm the show was ready to start, I was first in line and had only done one rehearsal, my heels were dangerously high and I risked toppling over but strangely I felt confident. I was wearing a gold flapper style dress which swayed as I moved. I could never have dreamed a couple of years ago that I'd be dripping from head to toe in gold Versace.
"Action!" The director shouted from behind me. I strutted onto the runway, my head held high. I scanned the crowd for anybody that I might recognize. The face I saw shocked me.
I ignored it at first and continued with my walk. I reached the end of the runway and posed in all sorts of bizarre fashions. I had been told to go for a mad hatter- esque type of look, which is exactly what I did. The crowd adored it. I was shocked by the positive reception which I had received. Trying to keep my face serious I strutted back up to backstage to change costume. My face broke into a wide smile as I got changed. As fast as lightning, I was changed and ready to go out again. Throughout the show he supported me and cheered me from the crowd. I couldn't believe he was here.

After the show had finished I rushed over to him and hugged him tightly. "What are you doing here?!!!!" I exclaimed unable to contain my happiness to see his face.
"Well I heard me wife was doing a fashion show and I couldn't miss it" Noel said, his cheeky smile lighting up the room. I kissed him passionately.
"Id missed you" I said my voice wobbling on the verge of tears.
"I missed you too Lyla" he said hugging me tightly.
We moved to go somewhere quieter. We stood just outside of the hall in a more private area.
"I've been sick lately" I said to Noel seriously.
His bushy brows turned into a frown as he said "what d'yer mean?"
"Like for the past few weeks I've been getting up and like on and off I've been chucking my guts up for an hour or so while sweating fucking buckets" I explained to him, the hot tears welling up in my eyes.
Concern struck his face before he said "you're not pregnant, are ya Ly?"
The possibility of being pregnant hadn't even crossed my mind despite morning sickness being a main symptom. I shook my head before saying to Noel "I can't be, I'm on the pill"
Noel held my hands tightly before saying "you go and get changed and I'll get you a test from the shop and I'll meet you back 'ere"

My nerves went into overdrive. I could hardly think straight. I couldn't be pregnant. I refused to believe it. And if I was? I'd dread to think of the damage that my alcohol and drug fueled lifestyle had done to my unborn baby. I quickly got changed and thanked everybody backstage before running back out to Noel.
"Are you ready?" he asked
I took the test from him and headed to the toilets. Each step towards the toilet echoed in my ears and caused my heart to beat faster and faster. My heart thrashed against my rib cage, pounding harder and harder the closer I got to taking the test. I eventually plucked up the courage to take it.

Once I had done, I couldn't even look at it. I headed back out to Noel, still unaware of the results.
"Well?" He questioned
I shrugged before handing him the test before covering my eyes. Just the very thought of having a baby scared the living daylights out of me, let alone actually having one.
Noel looked at the test, then back at me, then back at the test.
He opened his mouth to speak but before he could utter a single word, Liam burst through the door.