Lyla!

Only you

June 1998. I was 7 months pregnant. My due date was September 21st, Liam's birthday. He wasn't happy about that and had made it clear that he wasn't happy about it. As if I had done it on purpose.

I laid on mine and Noel's bed resting my head against the backboard. Noel was lying next to me with his hands on my stomach feeling the baby doing somersaults in my tummy.
"Like a little gymnast ent he" Noel laughed.
I ran my hand through his hair as he looked at me with his dazzling blue eyes. "I hope he gets your eyes" I said to him.
Noel looked shocked, "are you mad! I want him to have your eyes, they're beautiful" he exclaimed. Even after being with him for so long, his compliments still made me blush.
I shook my head and said "yours are better"

He was silent for a moment then said,
"I'm quitting the drugs Ly, I don't want to be a druggee with a kid, it doesn't end well"
He seemed sincere, he continued,
"I want you and our son to feel safe around me, I don't want you to ever think that I'm unpredictable or that you need to tread on eggshells around me because you won't, I'll never be like that again Lyla, I never want to upset you again Lyla, you mean too much to me for me to ever make you feel like that and if I ever have I am so sorry"
He held my hands tightly now, I looked down and said,
"I've never been scared of you Noel, not for a second but I've wanted you to quit the drugs for yourself, for your health but as long as you're happy then I'm happy. I'll support you in whatever you do Noelie cus I'm your wife and that's what I'm here for."

We never really had chats like this, we never went deep into our emotions but when we did it was raw and it was honest. I got up out of bed and began to get ready for the day. The weather was hot and being pregnant made it 10x more insufferable. My feet were swollen so I couldn't wear sandals, all of my summer clothes didn't fit and I was sweating buckets constantly. My hair was grown out as I couldn't get it dyed because of the chemicals and I hadn't had it cut. I felt and looked drab and disgusting. I was so over being pregnant, I just wanted my baby now. I was tired of waiting. I still hadn't thought of a name and neither had Noel and anything we did think of neither of us could agree.