Bonding and Bite Marks

Guidance

John hesitated at the large wooden doors. He knew he had to go inside. He had to confront his deepest fear and shame. What would Father Kasuyama say? Would he be angry? Would he be turned away and shunned? The fear was almost enough to make him turn around and head back to his apartment. There were things he needed to do there anyway. His clothes, towels, and blanket would need to be washed. He'd need more security locks on his door, too. He didn't feel safe, as an omega living alone. He'd also need to have his bedroom converted into a heat room, which meant a rather uncomfortable phone call with his landlord. He shook his head. All of that could wait. He bit his lip as he stepped through the heavy ornate door and walked timidly into the main hall.

The hall had the same dusky scent it always had, from years of burning candles and worn, varnished wood. Now that his heat had receded, the scents of the other visitors didn't bother him as much. There were only a couple others in the old pews, and they were betas anyway. The candles were lit. Sconces lines the walls and aisles, filling the hall with warm, orange light. It was a dim day outside, so not much light was filtering through the old stained glass windows. It was quite a tall room, with aged beams and rafters lining the ceiling.

"John, I've been expecting you," Kasuyama greeted from his place at the altar, where he'd been practicing his sermon. He spoke in a gentle, fatherly tone. The tone he knew John needed. He paused as he examined John's frail form. He was thinner than the last time they'd met. Quite gaunt in the cheeks. Pale and sickly. He was clearly weak and fatigued. His heat had only just ended. He could still smell the remnant of it, along with a new scent. He didn't need to look to know that John had a mating mark. He also didn't need to ask to know whose. He remembered the deep spiced scent well enough. "Come, child." He opened his arms, offering comfort and acceptance.

"Father..." John's body moving on its own as he started to sniffle. He gritted his teeth as hot tears spilled down his cheeks. He knew he was pushing his worn body as he raced down the aisle and into Kasuyama's waiting arms. "Help me-help me-please, help me!" His whole body shuddered and quivered as he clung to Kasuyama's worn cassock. Kasuyama waited, carefully leading John to one of the pews, where they sat together. He was endlessly patient as John broke in his arms. He begged and pleaded. He asked why. He cried in bitterness and grief. Regret and shame. He felt like his life was over. He'd lost his calling. The only thing he'd ever wanted.

As a young boy, after he'd been assessed and registered as a beta, his grandmother had always told him stories of the church. His older sister had been less interested, and as an alpha, she'd never been pressed otherwise. John's grandmother had been very religious. She'd been thrilled when John had returned from school as a beta. That meant he was perfect for the priesthood. His parents had been disappointed. Every family wanted an alpha son. Perhaps that's why he'd been so close to his grandmother. Since the day he'd told her, she'd supported him endlessly in his love for the church. She'd been proud right up to the end. He was pleased she wasn't around to learn of his shame.

"Hush, child. Hush..." Kasuyama soothed eventually, his brown eyes warm and compassionate. John slowly calmed, though the distress didn't go away. They both knew that the conversation they were about to have would be less than pleasant. For both of them. Kasuyama couldn't help feeling bad that he was the one who had to perform this duty. It felt like he was directly responsible for ending this part of John's life. "You're an omega..." John nodded his agreement with trembling lips. He supposed Kasuyama could smell it on him. It was disgusting. John didn't need to be told twice. He knew his days as a priest were numbered and accepted it quietly. Grief and loss glittered in his oceanic eyes as he bravely raised his head.

"I don't understand...What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this?" John was desperate for there to be a reason. This couldn't just be a cruel and random twist of fate. Had God made a mistake? Had he angered him? What higher plan could possibly require him to be so cruelly ripped from his vocation? Kasuyama seemed to understand a little of John's thought process. He stroked his golden hair before reaching down to dry his eyes, chasing the tears away with worn but gentle fingers. John was so beautiful. He'd always thought so. Like a cherub with rounded, rosy cheeks.

"No one deserves this, John, but do you believe the Lord would do this without a plan or reason?" Kasuyama had a little trouble thinking of one. There wasn't one that he could see, but he would wait and watch. John shook his head reluctantly, but he couldn't hide the bitter resentment. It wasn't that he was an omega. If he'd known from the start, he could have dealt with that. Accepted it. It was that he'd presented as beta for so long, started a life, found a true calling, and now it was gone. His life was in ruins. To add insult to injury, he was now bound like a sex slave to a man he barely called a friend. How could he call him a friend after all that? Lin had bent and twisted his body in ways he'd never imagined possible. He'd plundered and violated him. Stolen his innocence. Ripped him from everything he knew. "Although you can't continue as a priest, you're free to continue putting your skills to good use. You will always welcome in this house, Father Brown." Kasuyama maintained the title despite his now lowered position. John was touched he'd been so kind.

"Thank you...I'd like that," John replied with a sniffle as he wiped his damp eyes. He was pleased to have the security that the familiar routine and surroundings would offer. It wasn't like he could go home to Australia. Not yet, at least. He couldn't even imagine breaking the news to his parents right now. What would they say? What would they do? Not only was he an omega, but he'd been mated straight away. It was about as scandalous as it could get. That can wait until later...The real thing he had to worry about was Lin. As his alpha, Lin was pretty much in control of his life from this point on. He probably wouldn't be able to leave the country without Lin, or at least without his permission. He'd likely be questioned about travelling alone, even as a bonded omega.

He barely even knew Lin. What kind of alpha was he? He'd been attentive enough during his heat, but what about now? Would he turn out to be possessive and controlling? Would he force him to move into his home on a permanent basis? To become some sort of servant? Would he be expected to run Lin's home and service him whenever he demanded it? How often would Lin do it? How often would he force him to bend over and accept his dominance? John shuddered. He felt ashamed that his inner omega was preening at the thought. He fully intended to stay as far away from Lin as possible.

Another side of him wondered whether perhaps he was being unfair to Lin. He barely knew him on a personal level, but he'd always respected his work. He was experienced in his craft. He knew that Lin had also respected his own work as a priest, too. They'd shared a few exchanges during cases. They hadn't been friends, but they'd at least been respected work colleagues. John sighed as he closed his tired eyes. Even on that first night, when he'd been suffering so badly, he remembered Lin had been gentle and attentive. He'd resisted his rut for as long as possible. Would he really change now that they were mated? Would he demand his obedience?

Seeing he had a lot to think about, Kasuyama quietly rose to his feet and returned to the altar. John didn't even notice as he continued to stare into space and ponder his new predicament. There was so much he had to do now. Everything would change. His visa. His ID. His medical records. He was quietly worried he'd be told to leave the country, but since he was mated, that likely wouldn't be possible. He'd be counted on Lin's visa. As his omega. Like a possession. He ground his teeth at the thought. He'd forever be bound to an alpha now. If not Lin, then someone else. He would never experience life as a free omega, with choice and independence. His brow furrowed at the unfairness of it all. He hadn't asked for this. He didn't want this.

He worried his lip at the thought of returning to SPR for whatever case Naru brought up next. Would there even be any point? He wasn't a priest anymore. Would that bar him from performing his rituals? There was no real reason he could think of that it wouldn't work. Just because he was no longer recognised by the church, didn't mean his previous skills and experience were erased. It also didn't affect his faith. Even if my faith is undamaged, what about my bond to God? I didn't break my vows by choice, but...He was sure god would understand. He'd arrange a confession with Father Kasuyama and seclude himself in prayers for a few hours. With that decided, he rose to his feet to return home. There was still so much to do.