Bonding and Bite Marks

Connections

A week later, John still had that strange, lingering feeling. He'd returned home six days ago. Lin had insisted on dropping him off on the way to SPR. It had still felt too soon to part from his omega, but he knew it was what John wanted. Once John had entered his apartment, it had felt just a little colder than before. He'd shrugged it off and turned on the heater before taking a long shower, washing the final traces of the heat from his skin. He'd huddled in his robe watching TV for a while before curling up with a book. He still didn't feel right. It was like something was missing, but nothing had changed.

The feeling chased him all week, especially when he was alone in his apartment. He hadn't seen Lin since he'd been dropped off, which wasn't unusual. He'd taken to avoiding him between heats, and he didn't feel any differently this time. The thought of socialising with him on a normal level was a little difficult before, but now it was virtually impossible. How could he talk normally with him? He'd seen him at his worst. He'd bent and caressed his body into more positions than he could count. Some of them he didn't even know how he'd managed without snapping him in half. He didn't think of himself as flexible. Is this how it will be forever? Hiding from him for three weeks, and being at his mercy for the other? That wasn't any way to live.

John sighed as he headed to the church. He had yet to find his answer for why this had happened. He'd thought about it, but he couldn't see a reason for it. What could he possibly learn or do as an omega that he couldn't have done as a beta? If there was some grand plan in place, then he couldn't see it. He knew many people outside his faith would likely put it down to bad luck or fate or just one of those things. What makes me so special that it couldn't have just been an accident? But...that suggests God makes mistakes, and I don't think he does...There must be a reason, so why can't I see it?

"Father Brown," Kasuyama greeted kindly as he walked into the church, seemingly in a daze as he started heading down the aisle out of habit. John paused mid-step, looking sheepish as he came to a halt. Kasuyama's aged face softened as he recognised the far-off look on John's face. "Something on your mind?" It didn't take a genius to see that John was distracted. He'd been that way, on and off, for the past two months, and with good reason. The troubling thing was that he didn't seem to be adjusting overly well. To his knowledge, he was still avoiding his alpha and neglecting his heat cycles. That wasn't good for his mental or physical health.

"Nothing more than usual...I still haven't found an answer yet," John replied, accepting Kasuyama's offer of a seat. He sat on the edge of the nearest pew, and Kasuyama took the seat opposite. He nodded his understanding. It could be frustrating, searching for signs and answers. It also took time. Often a lot of time. John had grown impatient with the change. It wasn't entirely surprising. Alphas and omegas felt things far more intensely than betas. They were sensitive.

"There's no rush. The answer you seek could take many years to become clear." John nodded his agreement, though he was quietly frustrated. Being an omega had eroded his gentle patience somewhat. He was more impulsive than before. Jittery. Nervous. Vulnerable, and somewhat short-tempered. "Perhaps there is a role that only you can fulfil...something that needs your unique touch." John couldn't imagine what that could be. He was only human, and not at all special.

"I suppose I'll keep my eyes open." John sighed inwardly at his lack of progress. Was he letting God down in some way? Was there an obvious sign that he just hadn't noticed? Surely, Kasuyama would have noticed if it was that obvious.

"Tell me honestly, are you adjusting to the change?" John almost cringed at the question. The situation was unusual, possibly even unique. John hadn't had any preparation or period of adjustment before his transformation from celibate beta to mated omega. This could be considered a blessing and a curse. On the plus side, he hadn't had to weather his heats alone. Someone was there to look after him. Someone he'd considered a friend. On the flip side, he hadn't been given the choice and had been bound forever against his will. The new omega personality was clearly at odds with his own inner thought processes.