wait// joshler

6

word count: 453

my eighteen birthday has rolled around. two presents sit in my lap. the one with the sparkling blue wrapping paper is familiar in a...bittersweet form. even though i know the disappointment that lies ahead once i open it, it's sweet mom still wants to open presents. she still finds it necessary. 

the second one is a red color, but so light it almost looks like pink. i look up at dad and he smiles. i can tell he tried, so hard, to hide the fact that it's pink. mom sees the glance and looks at the gift.

"that's a girl color," she shoots out.

"it's red," dad replies quickly and blandly. i can tell he's trying to keep his cool. 

"it's close to pink," she shoots back.

dad ignores her, "go on. open them up."

i open mom's first. it's a basketball. of course. she chooses the most... boy type toy she can find. 

"thank you," i tell her, plastering my fake smile upon my face. my hands are slippery as i lie. 

"you're welcome."

i look at dad and hold the gift. i have to be grateful. she's sick. she tries. she's...

"loving.. isn't it? you love it?"

her phrasing is weird. but i nod regardless.

"very much."

"then... do you really need to open your dads?"

her lips are pursed. 

"he got it for me."

"but.. we need money."

"mom-."

i want to scream and cry. i barely ask for anything. i want this one thing. and he knows me. he can get me something i'll actually use.

"let him have it."

"but-. the cancer. it's making me sick."

i want to throw up.

"here." i give it to dad and run past him. i crash onto the bathroom floor. i open the toilet and vomit. 

i feel so weak i can barely keep myself up. 

-

im laying in bed, my hair sticking to my head from my shower.

dad knocks lightly on the door.

"your mom's asleep," he says, i know the coast is clear.

"she makes me sick."

"tyler..."

"she uses her cancer against us. and it makes me physically sick."

he's holding the "red" wrapped present.

"dad..."

"thought ahead, bought two. here," he hands me the present.

"can i.. tear it open?"

he chuckles and nods, "it's your birthday, if that's what you want, ty-guy."

i feel myself tear the paper apart. i go so fast i can feel that i give myself a paper cut, but i don't care.

the box.. it's... black and gray. 

it reads 'beats studio 3 wireless'. 

i feel myself fade into my mind.

"do you... like them?"

i basically jump into dad's arms. 

"i love them," i say ten times before i can make myself stop. 

"good."

"thank you."

"use them. tonight, ty-guy."

he smiles, taking the trash and closing my door behind him. 

"goodnight," i whisper to myself and set the headphones on my ears. 

a/n: it's 12:30 and i'm pretty sure all my friends are awake 

cause same 

anyways heheh

happy tuesday