wait// joshler

34

word count: 293

he runs his hand across my back.

"tell me. everything. if you want."

his words run across me. he knows.

oh god he knows.

i don't know how to let the words out. i need to tell someone. i have to tell someone. it's eating at me inside. it's killing me inside. but i don't know how.

"or don't. if it makes you uncomfortable."

and there it is. the window is closed. i overthought everything and he no longer wants me to talk about it.

"i'm fine," i lie.

"promise?"

"i swear."

"you can talk about it, if you'd like."

only if you phrase it like you do. now. i would. but i can't.

"thank you."

"don't worry about it. you don't have to thank me," his words sound genuine as they run across my brain.

but they feel fake.

-

"my mom died," i say in the mirror, ignoring my tears as they fall down. 

there's a knock on the bathroom door.

"are you okay, tyler?" dad asks.

"fine," i reply hastily.

"okay."

silence.

"i love you, ty-guy.."

"i love you too, dad."

i stare my face in the mirror. i want to tell joshua. i want to. 

i want to let him in.

my only friend.

-

we're sitting next to each other. on my couch. i should let it all out. let him know how broken i am, before i confess that i like him.

maybe this way he'll know how broken i am before he gets connected. this way he will know what he's dealing with.

maybe he won't leave me if i phrase it like this. how to phrase it? i can't decide.

"tyler.. are you sure you're okay?"

"i'm fine."

"well... you're awfully quiet."

"i'm always quiet."

"i know. and there's nothing wrong with that, but i feel. you."

"yes?"

"i want to make sure you're okay."

"i..."

"are you okay?"

"no," and as the word slips out. i fear, for what i have done.

a/n: *cue ominous music*