wait// joshler

42

word count: 281

we are sitting on my couch in the living room. my head feels heavy. joshua is napping and the television is playing in the background.

the cake sits in my fridge, wrapped tightly in tin foil. dad has asked about it a good three times. me and joshua are a good space apart, trying to act as if we are still friends. 

hoping dad suspects nothing, as his eyes scan us every few minutes. 

he did ask me to be his boyfriend, and i did agree but.. not yet. 

because we're not not... friends. but we're not.. exactly friends either. we're in an in between space. i want to be accepted before we can be together. he wants me to feel as comfortable as possible. he wants me to not feel rushed. but god, do i want to grab his hand right now.

thinking too much...

it's never made me feel good.

-

joshua woke up from his nap a few minutes ago. he's in the kitchen getting water, stalling for time, for me.

"d-dad...?" 

im so nervous. i've never been this nervous around him in my whole life.

"yeah, ty-guy?"

"can i throw a party?"

"uhm.. for what exactly? wait it's not your birthday right?"

"no dad," i laugh a little, "my birthdays already passed. and christmas is in a week."

"oh good. didn't miss it."

"no dad."

"okay... you're not pregnant right?"

"no."

"good.. because men can get pregnant i hear.. and JOSHUA BETTER NOT HAVE-."

"DAD."

i hear joshua laughing and choking in the kitchen.

"he's your only friend. only option."

"oh my god. please. it's supposed to be a surprise."

"oh okay," and then he just looks at the tv and watches it like nothing happened.

"can i invite aunt marie, uncle john, and the twins?"

"if you'd like."

"okay."

"okay."