wait// joshler

50

word count: 690

me and dad are in front of joshua's front door. he knocks, and i stand slightly behind him. 

joshua's dad answers the door.

"mr. joseph! how nice of you to accept our invitation, me and laura are so pleased of you to join."

"thanks, mr dun." dad walks in. i'm following behind him.

"please, call me bill, mr joseph."

"if i call you bill, then call me chris."

they laugh a little together.

so far... so good.

the dads break off and have their own conversation. joshua's siblings and jim are following me as i look for joshua.

i find him in the kitchen helping his mom make dinner.

"oh tyler! you're here, hello."

"hi," i reply sheepishly. 

"hi babe," he smiles and waves at me.

"hi joshua."

"i'm almost done with dinner."

"okay," i say and go sit on the living couch.

there's football on the television. the smaller kids as well as the dads are swooped in with whatever team is on. and they're talking theories and whose the best player.

it all goes over my head so i just watch my feet. i feel so out of place without joshua guiding my every move. i don't know how to socialize with anyone. it's pathetic.

"t."

"hi," i say looking up at joshua.

"do you like the pet name i've been trying to hook you on?"

"what? babe?"

"yeah!"

"it's alright."

"do you not like it?"

"i don't know."

he slings his arm around me, "are you okay?"

"besides being in the midst of a panic attack... yeah i guess."

"come here," he grabs my hand and takes me to his room, shutting the door behind us.

the quiet is soothing. it's just us. just us. just.

us.

"do you feel better?"

i nod, my eyes are closed and the darkness helps.

"okay. i promise you, everything's okay."

he hugs me and i don't want to let go. but he releases me and we go back out into the living room.

"you're josh's boyfriend, huh?" jordan asks me.

"yeah."

"i thought you could only have girlfriends?" jordan asks his brother.

"no. you can have whatever you want. boyfriend, girlfriend, partner. anything."

"oh."

"but that's if you want to. never let anyone make you date someone you don't wanna."

"i could have a boyfriend?"

"if you wanted to."

"I WANNA DATE JIM."

"you can't date a dog."

"damnit."

"JORDAN!" joshua's mom comes and swoops her youngest and laughs with him. "you shouldn't say that word."

the dads are laughing in the background.

"why? you, dad and josh do."

"we're adults, and josh has our permission. you do not have any."

"fine fine, momma."

the timer in the kitchen goes off and joshua and his dad rush to the kitchen.

"what do we do with this?" joshua asks his dad.

i watch them in the kitchen as joshua's dad guides him through the steps of cooking.

a few minutes later joshua stands next to me, grabs my hand and calls, "dinner's ready!"

-

joshua sits to my right, dad to the left. i eat slowly as the adults talk about adult things. joshua's siblings are the farthest from me, joking about something i'm not really paying attention to.

i feel joshua's hand on my leg under the table.

i look at him and he smiles. he looks normal, like he's not holding me to earth with the touch of his fingers.

"how are you, boys?" dad asks us.

"meaning?"

"is this dinner going good for you two?"

"of course, i get to see tyler," joshua answers.

"tyler?" their eyes are all on me.

"it's good," i quickly answer.

"good."

"we were so worried to meet you, chris," joshua's mom smiles.

"really? as was i."

"i think.. meeting new people, especially the parent or parents of your childs' boyfriend is nerve wrecking," joshua's dad says.

"very."

i look over at joshua, and he just keeps smiling.

how is he so calm?

-

"this was real sweet."

"my sentiments exactly, i was pleased to meet you, and so happy tyler has fallen for such a kind boy and a kind family with that."

"oh, thank you, chris."

"goodbye everyone," dad says and walks out the front door.

"thank you for inviting us." i say.

"of course," the adults and siblings leave the living room. it's just me and joshua.

"i love you," he smiles.

"i had fun." 

"i'm glad, i told you, everything would be okay."

"i know.. i just."

"don't, i know. you don't have to."

"okay."

"okay."

"i love you too."

he kisses my forehead and then walks me to the door.

"bye t."

"bye j."