wait// joshler

23

word count: 374

i am eating dinner with dad at the dinner table. we haven't sat here since the day before mom died. the air is tense and i feel like crying. but i eat the food that tastes good and drink tea while shoveling my feelings down. i don't like crying. i don't want to cry. 

crying is useless.

-

"how was school?" i ask joshua, as he made me take a run with him. 

"it was fine, i have a new partner at school for science class, their name is marley."

"hm, what do they look like?"

"pretty."

"that's all?"

"she's super smart too."

"oh."

"they have a boyfriend.. i think she mentioned."

"that's cool."

"yeah... speaking of boyfriends."

"yeah?"

"i got broken up with."

i stop immediately, "joshua."

he gives me a look like i'm crazy, but slowly stops with me.

"what?"

"i'm sorry."

he shrugs, "he ended up cheating on me.. anyways, it doesn't matter. he was moving back to his home town. he had an ex girlfriend there..." he trails off and i can see the sadness in his eyes.

they look sore, like he could start crying for days on end and never stop. 

i grab him and give him the biggest hug i can muster. 

"you're good enough." 

-

im texting joshua on the living room couch.

joshua: did you hear?

tyler: what?

joshua: another kid got suspended from school

tyler: don't know how i would hear that, considering i haven't gone in like three weeks

joshua: you're gonna get a truancy

tyler: i'm taking my ged next week 

joshua: really?

tyler: yeah.. i don't want to go in much detail, but i can't handle school. 

joshua: i'm sorry

tyler: don't worry about it

tyler: it's not your burden to bury

dad gives me a look like he wants me to give him my attention, his face is drawn out. 

tyler: i have to go

joshua: oh, bye

tyler: bye 

i set my phone down. 

"yeah?"

"uhm... ty.. guy..." he pauses, adjusting his stance multiple times within a few seconds.

his hands are at the hems of the shirt as he flips it in and out. he's portraying my nervous habits. 

"dad?"

"we have to... attend your mother's funeral."

i nod, i knew that i would have to.. eventually. 

"but we can skip it if you'd like to."

i shake my head, "do you want to?"

he shakes his head as well. 

"then... i guess we're going."

a/n: anyways i'm sick.

hello how r u