wait// joshler

17

word count: 321

i see mom's hands, they're skinny and she looks so sick. i guess i haven't paid much attention to the way she looks recently. i've been trying to truly distance myself from her. trying to heal slowly.

trying to better myself.

dad is talking behind me to a doctor.

"how much longer does kelly have to live?" dad asks, i can hear the panic in his voice. if he's this worried then maybe he does care about mom, at least a little.

"she's weak... maybe a few days, a week at most. the cancer has reached stage four. the chemo isn't working anymore."

i hear my dad fall on the floor, but i don't have the strength to look away from mom with her closed eyes, her skin pale.

i hear the door close behind me and a faint scream that follows.

i watch mom as she breathes.

"hi mom. i'm.. more of an extrovert now," i lie to her, as i always have.

i am a liar. a damned liar.

"it's what you wanted, isn't it?"

the monitor beeps in reply.

"i could be. anything you need. as long as you don't leave."

she doesn't answer.

"please don't die."

i grab her hand and it's cold. i shutter, it feels like she's dead already.

"i'm sorry i was an awful son. i'm sorry i could never be what you wanted."

i wonder if she can hear me.

"we'll be alright, we'll be alright. we'll be."

i can't bring myself to finish, i start to sob into her hand. this is the closest i've ever felt to mom and she's dying.

i hear a falter in her heartbeat and i stare at the monitor as it beeps. her heartbeat faltering farther and farther. i should run and tell someone. the doctor. dad. anyone. but i can't.

i can't move. i don't want to move.

her hands run colder under mine. and then the final beeps are through my ears.

and...

she's gone.

a/n: did you want this update?

no.

do you have it?

yes.