Cheryl feels like she isn't good enough for Toni and talks to her about it.
*fluff
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Toni was laying in Cheryl's arms with her head resting on her lover's chest while they watched a Christmas movie. It was pouring outside, so nothing could beat a cozy night in with popcorn, cuddles and a cheesy boy meets girl movie.
Toni's fingers gently caressed the back of Cheryl's arm as she enjoyed the feeling of being so close to her girlfriend. She truly loved her so much and was still so obsessed with her. She closed her eyes for a moment and listened to the rain drops splashing against the windows of her trailer. She never wanted to leave this place or this position or this person.
"Babe?" Cheryl suddenly whispered. "Can I ask you something?"
The shorter girl lifted herself off of her girlfriend to look into her eyes. "Yeah of course, anything my love."
Cheryl adored how Toni would always listen to her, even when she was peacefully watching tv or almost asleep, with red lines of her own sleeve on her face or messed up hair. She always listened.
"I know how excited you are for kids."
Toni hummed in agreement, but didn't know where this came from. "I am. But I'm mostly excited about having those kids with you." Toni noticed some uncertainty in Cheryl's eyes and wondered if she didn't like the idea of having children anymore. "Unless you don't want to of course?"
"No no I would love to..I really do, it's just...aren't you disappointed about the fact that..you know...I can't give you biological kids." Cheryl looked down, because she felt stupid for asking, but at the same time she just needed to talk about it.
Toni thought Cheryl was joking for a second until she saw the red glow appear on her cheeks. "I don't know why you think that Cheryl, because there is nothing in this world further away from the truth."
Cheryl instantly felt relieved even though she didn't exactly expect anything else from Toni. "I know it sounds ridiculous, but I just...it just popped in my head and I...
"It's fine babe." Toni stopped Cheryl. "We can talk about it. Why do you think I am disappointed?"
Cheryl waited a minute to process her thoughts and to really understand what was bothering her. "Well, because what if you had fallen in love with a man and you decided to have kids. You would just have them naturally right."
The way Cheryl talked, with such uncertainty, immediately made Toni aware of how insecure her girlfriend was and that this wasn't about having biological babies at all. This was about Cheryl thinking she wasn't good enough for Toni.
The brunette grabbed both of Cheryl's hands and squeezed them. "I want you to listen carefully, because I know why you're asking me this."
Being in a relationship with Cheryl for the last two years had taught Toni a lot of things. Dealing and handling her girlfriend's insecurities was one of them. The redhead was the strongest person she knew when it came to standing up for herself and defending her opinions, but knowing how she genuinely felt on the inside was sometimes difficult to determine.
Loving a girl that was deep down so insecure was tough sometimes. She knew that Penelope was the reason for this self-doubt and that it would take time for her girlfriend to work through her childhood trauma. A lot of time.
"You do?" Cheryl asked like she got caught.
Toni nodded. "You know how much I care about having biological children?"
The taller girl pouted her lips to state that she didn't know the answer.
"I don't care. At all. It's not important to me. I don't need a man to have amazing and beautiful babies...because I have you." Toni paused and stared into her girlfriend's eyes. "I don't want or need a man, because I have you and I want you Cheryl." She said putting the emphasis twice on you.
"But it's different." Cheryl said with a defeated look on her face.
Toni immediately shook her head. "It's not different Cheryl. It's not less beautiful, it's not less rewarding, it's not less hard. I understand what you're trying to say, but you shouldn't think like that babe."
Toni watched Cheryl with a concerned look on her face, feeling a little worried that she wasn't able to fully convince her girlfriend. "You should know Cheryl that I have no desire to have biological children with a man, because I have you and I'm so in love with you. I want to have these children with you babe."
Cheryl could see the sincerity in Toni's eyes and knew she wasn't saying this to shut her up or to deceive her. She knew it was genuine and that Toni loved her a lot.
"Can you please remember that you are so worthy Cher....and that you are irreplaceable." Toni was still holding both of Cheryl's hands in her own and gently caressed them with her thumbs.
Cheryl was overwhelmed with emotions and didn't quite know what to say, so instead she threw her arms around Toni's neck and hugged her, letting all of her worries wash away for now.
Toni held Cheryl in her arms tightly, savoring the close contact.
After a while she felt Cheryl stir and pull back a little. "Kiss?" The redhead asked in her cute and girly voice.
Toni just smiled and brought her hand to Cheryl's face. The kiss didn't last too long, but it was filled with lots of love nevertheless.
"Thank you TT." Cheryl said as she rested her head on the brunette's shoulder again. "I love you."
Toni placed a kiss to the side of Cheryl's head and brushed through her hair with her fingers. "I love you too babe."
