(Part 2 of 'Trauma', however you can also read this as an individual story)
This is the conversation Cheryl and Toni have the next day about what exactly happened at the party.
*Mention of r@pe
*Fluff
—
Half awake, half asleep. Tossing and turning all night long.
Cheryl's mind is distracted by disturbing voices overpowering her brain, keeping her occupied all night long. It's useless to push them away as they appear again minutes later, only more vivid and frightening.
Usually when you wake up from a nightmare a sense of relief flushes through your body, you let out a deep sigh and move on, facing your reality again. However what happens when a nightmare becomes your reality and there is no way of escaping it?
Cheryl slowly opened her eyes, letting them get used to the bright light filling the room. She looked to her right, expecting her beloved Toni to lay next to her, instead there was nothing but sheer emptiness.
Before even taking a minute to process the circumstances, Cheryl panicked. She felt trapped in her own bed as if something was going to come at her and hurt her. She felt vulnerable and all alone with nothing to protect herself.
Cheryl buried her face behind her knees, holding her legs with her arms tightly as she started sobbing uncontrollably.
She remembered....everything. The things he had said to her, the things he had done to her, they all came back.
Realisation hit. This nightmare didn't just disturb her night, it was a reminder of her doomed reality.
Cheryl felt scared and desperate as if nothing would ever be enough to make this right again, to redeem herself from the nightmare she was now unwillingly living.
Until....she felt an unexpected hand on her back and another one on her leg. A familiar voice met her ears, it was calm and kind, quite the opposite from the voice she had been hearing in her nightmares.
"I'm here baby, I'm here", Toni said as she caressed her girlfriend's back. She had heard Cheryl's sobs from all the way downstairs.
Cheryl looked up and faced Toni, who stared at her with a concerned, yet reassuring expression painted on her face. "I'm not feeling very well TT", Cheryl said as she moved her hand to hold her stomach.
Toni looked at her girlfriend still rubbing small circles on her back. She moved Cheryl's hair out of her sweaty and wet stained face as she let out a deep sigh.
"What time is it?" Cheryl asked as she looked around the bright lighted room.
"It's around half past 12. I've checked on you multiple times to see if you were awake, but I reckoned you really needed the rest." Toni smiled as she looked at her somewhat confused girlfriend. "I made you some breakfast actually, I'll get it for you". Toni said as she stood up.
However a hand grabbed her arm before she was able to move any further, making her jump a little. She instantly turned around and looked straight into Cheryl's innocent but watery eyes. "What is it my love?", Toni said as she held Cheryl's hands in her own.
"I....please don't leave Toni"
"I won't Cher, I'll stay", Toni said as she placed herself next to her girlfriend on the bed again.
"I want to tell you what happened yesterday...at the party, because if I don't it'll just make things worse in my head." Cheryl looked down into her lap as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Of course babe, I'm listening, just take your time okay"
Cheryl nodded, taking a few seconds before she started. "You remember those guys whistling at us and calling us names when we were kissing on the dance floor?"
"Yeah I remember".
"Well, when I was pouring my drink in the kitchen, one of those guys started talking to me and at first I thought he was just messing around or trying to flirt with me, but then he....he."
"It's okay, take it easy Cheryl, we have all the time in the world." Toni said as she laced their fingers together and squeezed her hand softly.
Cheryl wiped a tear away before continuing. "He threatened me. He told me I would face the consequences if I didn't obey him. So...he grabbed my wrist and took me someplace else." Cheryl showed her wrist covered in blue and purple bruises.
Toni was in dismay as she looked at her girlfriend's wrist, shocked that she hadn't noticed it before. "Oh my god baby, I'm so sorry".
"It all happened so fast Toni, I could barely think. I just remember being anxious and confused as he dragged me through this gigantic house, it seemed endless. And then he...he brought me...uhm", Cheryl's voice trailed off again, tears streaming down her already wet stained face.
"Take a breath Cher, you don't have to continue if you're uncomfortable or not ready to share this part of the story yet. It's okay".
Cheryl moved closer to Toni, resting her head on her girlfriend's shoulder as she sobbed, her tears falling down onto Toni's lap.
"Shh, it's okay baby", Toni kissed the top of Cheryl's head and caressed her arm.
"He did...it Toni", Cheryl said as her breath hitched, she was still crying, the kind were it's almost impossible to form a sentence without taking multiple breaks to inhale air. "He told me that...I'm..disgusting and then he...he assaulted...me".
Toni felt sick to her stomach as she looked at Cheryl, she had never actually seen her this vulnerable, this broken before.
Toni spoke after a short pause, "Cheryl, please, please know that you are not disgusting, you are the most beautiful girl that I know, both from the inside and outside." A tear escaped her eye as she held Cheryl's chin.
"I feel so dirty TT. I could feel him....inside of me", Cheryl whispered.
"I understand baby but this was not your fault, you have to remember that. Some people have twisted minds, they don't have dignity. This guy is a homophobic, misogynistic douchebag who has zero respect towards anyone society labels 'different'. But i swear it has nothing to do with you, because you are the most wonderful, warm-hearted and loving girl on this planet. I wish we could go back in time, so that we would have never gone to this party. Unfortunately we can't, but I hope you will put your faith in me and trust me when I say that you will get through this. And I'll be there every step of the way, but promise me you'll talk to me Cher."
Toni placed another kiss on Cheryl's head as she waited for a response from her girlfriend.
"I will Toni, I will talk to you, I promise. And thank you....I don't know where I would be without you, I am so grateful to you." Cheryl said as she slightly turned to face her girlfriend, giving her a soft smile.
"You deserve all the love in the world babe", Toni said hugging Cheryl a little tighter.
Cheryl hesitated before asking Toni about something she had been thinking about for the past few minutes, "can I kiss you Toni?"
"Of course, but are you sure?"
"I am, I promise"
"Okay", Toni whispered before leaning in to meet Cheryl's lips halfway.
Although Cheryl had calmed down and stopped crying Toni could still taste Cheryl's salty tears on her lips.
After about 15 seconds they broke apart, both of them slightly out of breath as they stared into each other's dark eyes filled with love.
Cheryl cuddled into her girlfriend, laying her head back onto Toni's shoulder and wrapping her arms around her body. "I love you Toni", she said after a few minutes of silence.
"I love you too, my love, so much", Toni said as she held her girlfriend in her arms.
