Sigrid The Relentless - How to Train your Dragon

17. Sigrid's Lament

It was truly embarrassing.

No matter how many dragons they tried, Sigrid just didn't click with any of them. Hiccup had tried Gronckles, Zipplebacks, Nadders, Monstrous Nightmares, Hel, even a Thunderdrum! Yet none seemed to do the trick.

It wasn't that his sister was unwilling. So Hiccup just couldn't figure out what the problem was. It's not like the dragons didn't like Sigrid, it just wasn't a close enough connection for dragon and rider, to feel that same spark that all of the others had.

After the thirteenth dragon, he could feel his sister's spirits drop.

"Hey, how about we take a break until tomorrow?" Hiccup suggested, trying to lift his sister's spirits.

Sigrid shrugged, a sad frown on her face, but agreed anyway. She could probably use the break. After all, she had to figure out why no dragon seemed to like her before trying to train another one.

But Sigrid couldn't sleep, not when her mind was turning and wondering what exactly made her so undesirable. Was it her harsh nature, her resting poker-face, or the way she smelled? She didn't have a clue. And so, instead of laying in bed and whining about it, Sigrid decided to go out into the woods and be amongst the dragons, all by herself. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.

As she walked around the peaceful woods, late at night - or early in the morning, depending on your perspective - she could see all the full grown dragons resting, and their hatchlings that were happily awake or dozing off besides them. But to her greatest surprise, all of the dragons seemed completely unbothered by her, just like they had back on Dragon Island. So this made Sigrid even more frustrated in her predicament. Because, then,  what was wrong with her?

Sigrid sighed, all of this worrying was really giving her a headache. So, for the time being, she decided to do something she'd never thought of before: meditating.

Normally, the redhaired Hooligan was always been too impatient to sit cross legged in a single position for longer than a minute. But she felt that at the moment, she didn't have that much of a choice. Today she wanted answers, and she figured she'd only get those with immense patience. The air was breezy, tingling against her exposed arms, but not cold enough to get goosebumps. It was relaxing, to breath in the fresh air, surrounded by nature. So peaceful, and innocent, something that had taken her a while to get used to around Berk. She had her brother to thank for that.

Even with all the trouble with the Berserkers, Berk hadn't been this peaceful in... well, ever.

Ever since she was born, Sigrid had been trained to hunt dragons, as her ancestors before her. It was a normal occurrence in Berk, but after Hiccup had shown them that it didn't have to be this way, Sigrid felt ashamed that she had never once even attempted to find another way, instead of simply strolling along like everyone else. She'd always prided herself on doing better, like a future Chieftess should. But she hadn't done that, had she? No, she'd just repeated the same thing over and over again, like a fool. Her brother had been the only one to see the light, and for most of his life they'd treated him like he was lesser than, like he was weak. But to Sigrid, her brother was the strongest of them all.

"What's the point of having muscles if you can't use them?"

This had been a statement her father had pressed into her, whilst she was starting her dragon training. It meant that it didn't matter how much you trained, if you didn't have the strength to back it up, you'd be the same as if you'd never worked out a day in your life. Training isn't just about muscle, but also your mind and technique. Without focus, one is lost, and now Sigrid surely felt that.

Hunting dragons had been her only focus her entire life, especially after her mother's death. It was her purpose, to protect her tribe against these evil creatures. But in the end, it turned out that it was just putting them in more danger.

After the Red Death, it felt like her entire life prospects had falling into the depths of Helheim, lost to the ages, and forced to start anew. Everything had fallen into pieces, and whilst Berk turned out to be better than ever before, and Sigrid was more free than she'd ever been, she still felt lost. Left without a purpose, or goal.

For the first time in her life, Sigrid wasn't doing anything just for her tribe, for her father, for her brother, or even her engagement. No, she was doing them for herself, and that was terrifying. Because unlike those previously mentioned things, Sigrid had no guideline for it. She didn't know how to do things for herself - practical things, like cooking and cleaning, aside. She had no hobbies, no friends - aside from her brother and his group, which was sometimes a little depressing to think about - and no aspirations.

'To be happy', sounds cool and all, until you actually have to start working for it, with no one left to guide you.

Because Sigrid was happy, truly. But was she happy for her tribe, or happy for herself? That was still a mystery...

...

What was it that she wanted?

A happy family, friends, a home. Those were all the thing that came to mind, and many more stereotypes following. But that was normal, nothing special to see there. Whatever Sigrid was looking for, it needed to be more personal, more detailed, and most importantly: dedicated to her.

Man, everything would've been so much easier if Dagur hadn't been so...well...deranged. She'd be married and have her responsibility as a Chieftess on her shoulders, but at least that gave her some guidance on where to go. But then again, at least she wasn't married to that weirdo now, right? She'd literally begged her father for years to destroy that marital arrangement, to throw it into the fires like she'd attempted with her ceremonial robe when she was twelve. She didn't want to marry Dagur, but was the alternative of her current unfulfilled reality worth giving up on security? The obvious answer was yes, and of course Sigrid's answer was yes, but she hated to say that she couldn't announce it with a lot of confidence.

Perhaps being engaged for eight years really brainwashed her into thinking it's fate, right? That's the only reason why she cared at all, because it was something that was expected of her, for the peace and safety of her tribe. That's why she cared, because with this marital arrangement going into flames years ago meant that Sigrid had done absolutely nothing in her life to help her people. Because before this marital arrangement, Sigrid was to become the next Chief of Berk. But because of the arrangement, that reality was completely switched on its head, as she'd be a permanent human peace offering, and the ultimate hero to her tribe as she secured their safety from the Berserkers, making her brother the future Chief of Berk.

But then, she'd done nothing to stop Dagur from preaching war, and she'd done nothing to protect her people against his armada. She'd done nothing to help her tribe fight these Deranged idiots into the ground. In the past three years, she'd done nothing for the tribe. She'd done nothing to help her brother when he needed someone to believe in him, and she'd done nothing when her mother was taken by that flying beast. Her entire life, Sigrid had done nothing.

No wonder a dragon didn't want her as their rider. She wouldn't want her either.