At the age of 17 Mariana Deliro is given a multi-million dollar company, by who? That's anyone's guess. Money may seem like a blessing but don't be fooled, it's a curse in disguise. With money comes: lying, deceit, betrayals and even a twisted myste...
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"What do you mean she-" Kelly continues.
"Just leave it." I cut her off. "Get out of there." I know I dislike her but if my mom is capable of bad things I don't want her to be there to find out first hand what they are. I wouldn't forgive myself if anyone gets hurt finding out information for me, it's not worth it.
"What do you mean she's gone?"
"That's none of your business. Now leave." My mom says
"Kelly just go."
Jackson and I hear her leave the house and the door shut behind her before she tells us she's shutting off the ear piece.
"I didn't like her use of was." Jackson says. "Or her defensiveness."
"Me neither."
I need to find out more. Something is going on and the only way for me to get peace is to find out what.
Maybe it's all in my head. My head always makes things ten times worse, I know that but still the unsettling feeling doesn't go away.
My anxiety makes me think of all the possible worse case scenarios and spins them around my mind. You can tell that part of you that it's not going to happen because let's be honest it probably won't but even so the fear is still there.
And then you get something right. One of the worst options you thought of becomes true and every other fear you have is amplified.
Or the one time you don't think of every outcome, the times where you are under prepared everything goes wrong. You're put on the spot with no escape. You're stuck, not knowing what to do, internally panicking because your worst fears have become true. You try so damn hard not to show it but sometimes you put on a facade for so long that it breaks you inside.
You're in a constant state of flight or fight, constantly on edge, waiting for the ball to drop.
You're the Archer, the pray, there's always something to worry about whether it's something in your mind that you created or something of someone else's doing. All the conflicting emotions, going back and forth until you can't decipher what you feel anymore because you feel both at once. Like Taylor said 'who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay'.
And then of course there's the physical symptoms, that you believe everyone else can see. The restlessness, the tapping and fidgeting, the tensness, the headaches, the irritability, all that you try to hard to control, to conceal.
Anxiety gives credit to people who are incapable of doing half the things you conjure up but then again people are unpredictable and there's always that minuscule chance that whatever it is could happen. You're stuck in a constant state of waiting. In a constant state of worrying.
Sometimes the worst possible outcome is the most logical and just because it's the worst doesn't stop it from becoming reality.
I can't shake the way my mom said was. Anxiety or not I'm one hundred percent certain that there's something there.
