Living with the trouble maker

Chapter 27 {Shane }(oh baby)

I could not have heard her right.
I feel like my heart just stoped . But honestly my world just did

If she is indeed pregnant then that means no collage , no more of my dreams , and no more Kendall.

I feel my chest tighten , I can't breathe.

I am trying so hard.  What is this I never felt this before .

I look at her she looks sad and lost and I realize as bad as I feel she has to feel bad too .
Her life has changed just as much as mine .

Maybe I miss heard her somehow .
  I start to say her name but nothing comes out .

          " Here Shane just sit down for a minute."
She says and points at the bench .

So I do .
            " I know this is a shock and before you ask it is yours I have not been with anyone else in a year "  she lets me know

I did think about that but I was not gonna say it right now I was gonna like maybe tomorrow or the next day
Now my tomorrows don't seem how I thought they would just this morning .

Kendall and me it seemed like it could be but now this .
I can't bring her down with me .
She deserves the best of everything and I am loser .
I would have messed it up somehow. But I messed it up before it even started .
I do feel so strongly for Kendall but I have to let her go for her . I am not good enough.
I got a girl knocked up .
How can I be so stupid .

I know we was always careful ,but I guess somewhere we was not.
A baby wow .

How can I raise a baby.
My thoughts are racing .
My chest feels better .
It is still hard to breath.
But I try to take a deep breath .
It hurts but not as much .

             " Do you think you are alright" she asks me
I look at her for a second.
I am not alright but how do I tell the girl that is carrying my baby that .

        " How are you feeling, have you been sick " I ask

      " No I am ok it only been 3 days" she tells me

        " So maybe it ain't right it only been 3 days you can take a test " I suggest

      " I did Shane " she says

           " sometimes they are wrong " I say

         " I went to the doctor I am having a baby" she tells me

I get up and walk back and forth . I have my hand on my head .
                " I can't believe I let this happen " I scream
She jumps .

                  " I am sorry " I say

          " it is ok " she claims

          " Samantha you are not alone " I say to her
I want her to know I will be there for my child .

She smiles a small smile and says

            " Thanks Shane"

        " I mean it this baby will have plenty of money so it will be taken care of ." I tell her

There is no need of her worring about money .

I don't think Samatha is poor but I don't know her situation or if her parents will support her .

I know my parents will . We actually talked about it before of course they don't want me to get no girl pregnant but they have made it clear they will help out .

           " Are you scared?" I ask

         " I am " she answers
      " I am too , but we will get threw this " I tell her

       " Yea , " she says

       " I am little hungry " she says

         " let's go get you something to eat " I tell her

        " I am craving steak it must be the baby" she tells me

After the meal which I ate nothing and Samatha ate most of hers I go to church I pray .

I didn't know what to pray for so I just begged God to help the situation.

I pray for a good remedy

We created a baby but I can't stand her .
And as far as Kendall she is better off being far away from me . I do pray for her happiness because this is going to hurt .

But mine and Samantha lives have changed.

I drive around for a hour .

Then I come home but I just go to the gym in our house .

I just punch the punching bag over and over again . I pretend the punching bag is my face . Because I am who I am really mad at .
I let this happen .

I don' t know when it could have happened but , it did.

I walk into the kitchen to get some water .
I take a gulp .

           " Son-you missed dinner" I hear my fathers voice
I did not even notice him sitting at the table

        " I did " I say and. Take another gulp of the water

           " You could have called I thought you was getting better " he tells me

          " Better better no dad I am not better if i want to come to dinner  I will if I don't I won't but everything does not revolve around what you want me to do , and I won't do whatever you want I will make my own choices , but really none of my choices have been good lately . When you say better you mean me pretending to be all nice but in reality being a asshole . But I am not better because I won't pretend I will just be the asshole " I say
And all this comes out at once and it may be a little harsh

" Are you drunk " my father asks

" No I am not " I snap

" I know you hate me after " he says and begins to say more

" don't say it " I demand

" It didn't always be this way " he says

" It has for a long time " I snap back at him

I walk away from him all I want to do is got to sleep . I don't want to think about my father and his fake ways . And I don't want to think how I could be like him . I use to believe in love but then I seen it was not real so what is the point in even trying . So that is why I sleep with who I want and do what I want . I might have closed my heart. A bit but it is better than hurting . As I get up the stairs it seems like I can smell Kendall her scent is just so fresh and sweet I do know I have it bad for her But now how have to worry about a baby . I can't believe I having a baby .