Living with the trouble maker

Chapter 86 ( Shane ) Memories

I have not slept . I just been trying to figure out what is going on . I can't imagine what really happened.
As the sunlight peak threw I remember waking up with Kendall in my arms I loved this morning .
I try to stop thinking about that and try to figure out what is going on with her .

Just say sometime at school before lunch she seen Derek And by talking to him she realized she had feelings for him .
But why leave school .
Unless she feels really bad over it .

And why would she want to be with him over me .
I do think she at some point liked Derek .
But I know it is nothing like we have . We have love true love.
I have never felt like this before and I know she has not either . She told me she never had passion like this . I showed her passion for the first time on our first kiss oh how it felt it was so sweet and just amazing. I also showed her passion Ever kiss after
Different kisses flash threw my mind . I also was her 1 st and it was very passionate and again every  other time was too .
It is time for school but I am not going .
I just look around my room and there is memories of Kendall and me .

I keep seeing her beautiful face .

I think back before we even really got together when we was on our family vacations .

I remember one time we was sitting on the beach and she was painting her toes this would be normal but she had her feet on me . I didn't stop her I actually liked it .
I was nervous.
I didn't really think I liked her then . I knew she was pretty . But we hang out like as friends .

But in that moment I think I felt something.
We was just kids I had never even kissed a girl at the point .
No wonder she thought I changed when she got here.

There was another time when we was dancing at a party .
I held her in my arms and it was nice . I felt something too but I didn't know what it was .

I was so young and she was too .
We didn't even know how to start anything .

I think about how she use to only eat the pink starburst .
And she did love some pink starburst .

How she would love to sing and to dance .

And the 1 st time I seen her when she came here .
Wow I was attracted to her well that would be a understatement.
I had a dream about her that night .

The second I saw her I didn't know what it was but I knew it was something.
We was standing close and she was so hot .

I wanted to sleep with her but I think even then I knew it was more to it .
I tried so hard to get her to come in my room with blearing the music .

Her lips they are so pouty and just perfect and I would think about them all the time .
Basically every time I see her I knew I was attracted to her but really what man wouldn't be .

But it was different and when we finally kissed it was amazing and I knew I would never want to kiss another , but you know our relationship was complicated. But no one was her to me .

I knew I loved her early on but I tried to ignore it .

But why does she not feel the same
Maybe she thinks she loves me .

But she couldn't love me especially not how I love her .
Because I could never want another another person .
Or even be confused about my feelings .
There is a knock on the door maybe it is Kendall .

I run to the door and I am disappointed to see Xander .
Don't get me wrong it is nice of him to check on me but I was hoping it was Kendall .

" You need to eat " Xander says

Now we are in the kitchen he is cooking me some pasta .
There is. No chance Kendall is here I heard her leave for school . And the time is 12:30 so I will be in my room before she gets back at 3:00

I look at Xander cooking then a flash of Kendall when she cooked breakfast that time .
A smile comes to my face as I think but then my eyes tear up because she don't want to be with me anymore .

I sit in the chair I think of how we would just give each the stares when she she first got here .
And then How when we was together I would kiss her before we would leave by front door . I look to the front door as I think of the memory.
I get up and look out at the pool .
I think of the hot night when we had the hottest make out session ever .
I think of our talks by the pool . And how we went a jumped in the pool when it was raining .

I look at the couch where we watched movies and held each other . And how we had the scream a thon .
I walk out to get some sun.

I see the gazebo from the distant I think about how I held her up there and made out with her .
I then Look and see the basketball court where we played and I won so she stayed in my bed .

I realize that every place is a memory of her .
I am haunted by her .

I am so hurt because I know we won't get back together .
There was so much saddness in her voice and her words and how she looked but maybe she just don't want to hurt me because we was friends at one point .
Then Kendall I know would never hurt anyone for no reason
So either she really has feeling for Derek or maybe she is scared
Our love is scary

Because it can hurt .
Which is how I feel now .
If I was with any other girl they would never have a chance to hurt me . And would not break up with me because I would t be with them like I was with Kendall .

I don't know how I let this happen
But love hurts .
But I know it is real now but I don't know if it is worth it because the pain is so hard . But it is definitely real .

I walk back in .
I eat .
I think to myself will I go back to how I was .
I mean it was better than this hurt I am feeling now .