Living with the trouble maker

Chapter 69 ( Shane ) (Feelings and emotion's)

I am reading in my reading  in nook , my safe place . I could not sleep so I got completely ready for school but I was an hour early so I just came here to read .
I had a dream it stared out as a fantasy but end up a nightmare.
I was having sex with Kendall feeling all her body and hearing her scream my name  . Then she screams out Arron's name

I get off of her and
              " what the f**k " I yell
She then tells me she has decided to be with him and that is the last time she will be with me .

I know it was just a dream but it shook me to the core .

So I came to my reading nook to relax and I was getting lost in my book when I hear

             " What the f**k is wrong with you "
I look up to find my sister in her robe .

            " Jessica what are you doing here you know I don't like anyone in here " I say to her

       " Well I am only gonna talk to you for a minute, why are acting like this with . Kendall " she questions

        " I am not acting like anything " I defend myself

    " You break up with her than you try to get her back now your telling her she has to eat with the family because of our folks . Which she may not get is bull but I know it is " she yells

I just look at her .
She is right it is bull and I stared this whole situation.

          " You hurted her stop playing games " she screams

           " Don't you think I know I  hurted her , I know I am a ploter a schemer but I need another chance and none of my plots or schemes will hurt I just have to be around her or I will never get another chance and iii don't know but I have to get another chance I just have to" I say
I hear the sadness in my own voice

          " oh my are you crying" my sister says and walks closer

         " No I have something in my eye" I say and rub my eye

I am crying but I didn't realize it .
I am embarrassed crying over a girl but it is how I feel right now .

    I get mad at myself for feeling like this and for starting this whole thing .
I slam close the book and sit it  down.

            " It makes sense now " my sister says
By the looking on her face she seeems like she just figured something out .

            " What " I question her

        " How you was always happy when you was with her , you stared eating with the family when she came here , you actually got nicer . You drove us to school a lot you have feelings for her  " she tells me

         " yes I do ok"  I scream

      " but it I will probably never be with her because I f**ked up" I add with my voice lower

My sister looks at me with concern.

           " I never seen you like this " she tells me

       " I have never been like this " I tell her

        " I have to win her back please just I don't know what to do " I beg but I don't know what I am begging for

         " I won't stand in your way , but if any of your schemes hurt her than I will kick you where the sun don't shine " she tells me

This cause me to laugh because when we was kids she use to tell me that all the time especially when me and Kendall tried not to play with her on those family vacations.