My forever || Caius Volturi

Chapter 15

Marcus had asked for Caius to meet him in the castle garden since he wanted to talk with the mourning King. 

Caius hadn't given that too much thought earlier. But now was the night when he was supposed to go to the garden and meet Marcus.

Caius pulled his long black robe over his shirt and dress pants before making his way to the garden. 

He stepped down from the two stone stairs onto the grass and then slowly started to walk deeper into the already dark garden. 

He walked past the pond, flowers, the tree under which Juliana always liked to read books, the small grassy area where they almost kissed for the first time if Felix wouldn't have interrupted them.

And now he was standing in an open area surrounded by many trees. He closed his eyes and could still hear Juliana saying yes to him when he proposed to her. He could still see the smile on her face while the dozens of fairy lights shined around them.

“Juliana Whitlock. I have been waiting… I waited for thousands of years. And now when finally you have come to me, I'm not letting go. I know that the beginning of our journey was not ideal. You tried, I didn't. But on that night when we had our first dance in the Volturi ball I knew that I would do anything to keep you safe and happy with me. I waited for thousands of years and I would wait for a thousand more if that's what is needed that I could have you to be mine. So that's why I’m now asking you this… would you Juliana Whitlock make me the happiest man unalive and marry me?”

The corner of his lip twitched up from the memory. Caius opened his eyes and was met with reality. The emptiness and the darkness of the garden. His smile disappeared again. 

No little fairy lights all around the trees, no Juliana smiling up at him and telling him how much she loves him and lastly… no happiness.

He then glanced on his left a little further away from him where he saw Marcus' back facing him.

Caius gave a last quick glance to the spot where she said yes before walking to Marcus. 

"You wanted to talk?" Caius asked and walked next to Marcus. 

"Yes. I'm glad you came." Marcus nodded.

"So what is it?" Caius questioned.

“Caius. Right now you might think that you are all alone with this and no one knows how you feel.” Marcus started. 

Caiud didn't answer. Just listened to him talk.

“But I do know. I know exactly how you feel. When I lost Didyme I was just like you. But the difference is that after that I never was the same again. I could have gotten better if I would have coped right with the sadness. So what I’m asking you my brother. Please don’t make the same mistake as I did."

"There are many differences in both of our cases. In both of our losses." Caius spoke up.

"That's true." Marcus nodded his head. "I never got to know who killed her. But with you we have much higher odds to figure out who did it. And when we do. You can have peace. Obviously it wouldn't be complete peace but it would be a start."

"I don't think I will ever live in peace again… if you can call this living."

"The grief never fully goes away. But we start to build our life and new happy memories around it and slowly it gets easier." Marcus explained. 

"All of my happy memories are with her. So it’s hard to make new happy memories without her being here. Do you know what I hate most about this? About mourning." Caius asked.

"Tell me."

"That I can’t cry. I can scream and punch the wall making a hole in it but what I want the most is to cry. It feels like I can’t grieve fully because I can’t cry."

Marcus listened silently. 

"I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I envy humans because they can express themselves through crying."

Caius was silent for a moment before continuing again. 

"It sometimes almost feels like I don’t care that she’s gone. But we both know that's not true. It just feels like it because if you lose someone who is so important to you; you cry and mourn the loss of your loved one. But when you aren't able to do that… it makes you go numb."

"That's one of the reasons why I'm like this… an apathetic man. Didyme was my mate and my wife. And I love her more than anything. Still do although she has been gone for so long."

"She was a great woman." Caius said.

A small smile formed on Marcus' lips. "She was. She would have loved Juliana. And she would have been so happy to see you find your mate."

"If you one day found out who killed her, what would you do?" Caius asked, glancing at Marcus.

"In the end… it wouldn't change anything if I came to know. She’s gone and there's nothing no one can do."

"There has to be someone in this world who knows who did it."

"I know. But like I said it wouldn't change anything anymore." 

Caius nodded his head.

"I talked with Sulpicia a little while ago. She made me understand that I’m not alone with this.” Caius spoke. “I always thought that Juliana was the only one who cared about me. But Sulpicia made me understand that there are more. She said that I could talk to her anyday."

"And the same applies to me, Caius. You can always talk to me too. Don’t be alone with your thoughts. It might be hard to talk to someone but just know you can talk to either of us if you feel like it. We are here to listen." Marcus gave him a small smile. 

"Thank you." Caius nodded.

"So you said yesterday that you saw Juliana. What happened?" Marcus then asked.

"I was in my room and just came out of the shower. I went to put some clothes on and when I turned around there she was. She was standing next to the balcony door which was open. I tried to talk to her but the only thing she said was 'you didn't protect me.'"

"So she wasn't actually there?" Marcus asked.

"No she wasn't. Then the wind blew making the curtains of my room sway and then as fast as she appeared she was gone. I tried to find her and then went to her tower. There she was. Still on the wooden table. That’s when I realized that the Juliana who I saw wasn't real but just my imagination."

"Why do you think you saw her?" Marcus questioned. 

"Because I'm angry at myself. And when she said that I didn't protect her it was my mind punishing me and wanting to hurt me even more. I’m angry at myself that I couldn't do anything to save her."

"I was there. They grabbed all of us. You, me and Aro. None of us couldn't have done anything. It’s not your fault."

"I'm still blaming myself."