In love with my bestfriend(s)

016

A month has passed. Everything is going great. We just finished a case, luckily it ended well. We were on the jet flying back. Nothing happend between me and Spencer. Not that anything happend between me and emily, although she's been kinda flirty. But so am I to both her and Spencer.

I wanted to sleep so I let my head fall on Emily's shoulder. It was a long flight. I close my eyes and drift of in a dream. But woke up when I felt someone shaking me. I look up confused.
"Morning sleepyhead, someone's been calling you" Emily smiles at me.
"I took some pictures of you since you where so cute. I hope you don't mind"
I smile at her. She just called me cute.
I blush a little and Exuse myself so I can call back ther person that's been trying to reach me.

I call back the number.
"Hello doctor y/n y/l/n" I say as the person pics up.
"Aa doctor y/l/n, I'm calling from the test centre. We have your results, on whether you have adhd or not"
The person says. I got nervous. This changes alot, the changes the way i think about myself. And I didn't even tell the team I got tested. Only Spencer knows.

"Eem actually could you mail me the results" I ask them. They agreed and I ended to phone call. I go to sit back down and look at the email. I can't get myself to open the file.
"What's wrong y/n?" Rossi asked.
I look up at him and back to my phone. "Nothing I'm fine".
I hear emily sigh next to me.
"You really need to trust us more yk"
I look at her rasing an eyebrow.

"Says you, I litterly know nothing about you from before you joined the team. All I know is that you moved alot." Emily looked uncomfortable.

Fuck I really didn't mean to make her uncomfortable.
I take her hand underneath the table. She just cracked a smile.
"Okay...but are you going to tell us now?" Derek asked.

"I" I sigh and close my phone.
"I got tested for adhd, and they just emailed me the results. But I can't get myself to open it" I look at the team. Everyone had a moment of realisation. Maybe they've noticed something that fit with having adhd.

"Hun that's great. Don't you want to know? And understand yourself better?" Jj asked. I look at her.
"I do, but I don't want it to change anything. knowing I have adhd would definitely change alot. For years I believed something was wrong with me, and yes if I have adhd could explain it. But I have already come to terms that I was just a broken mold. I don't want to have a whole identity crisis. Alot of people with adhd struggle i-"
Spencer cut me off.

"Y/n having adhd is not a bad thing. Some believe its even a super power. If that test says yes. It doesn't change much. You are still y/n. It would mean you have had adhd all your live, now you just understand parts of yourself. You thought were wrong. You were never a broken mold. You, just like every other individual human being are a different kind if mold. A special and colourful one"
I smile at Spencer and his kind words.

"He's right, it would only explain things. And we won't look or think differently of you." Derek added.

Everyone was being so kind about.
"I don't think I'm ready to know yet"
I say looking at my phone.

"That's okay, just tell us when you are ready" emily said giving me her amazing and kind smile.
"We are proud of you kid, not matter what" Rossi spoke. It ment alot coming from him.

The whole flight I kept thinking about it. When we finally arrived at the bau I sat down at my desk and just stare at the email.
"I'm think I want to know, but I cant open it".
"Open what, pumpkin?" Penelope asked.
I explained what I said on the jet.
"Want me to read it for you?" She asked.
I nodd and give her my phone.
I spin left to right on in my chair.
The team gathered around.
Penelope looks up from my phone.
"You have adhd"

It was quite, everyone waited for me to react. I just zoned out. Stared into the obize. Tears formed in my eyes, u can't even define what's going through my head.
A tear escaped my eye, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Bringing me back to the moment. I look up to everyone.
"Are you okay?" Emily asked.

"Yeah it's just alot to take in. I don't know how to feel" 
I get up and take my stuff.
" I eem should sleep on it"
I hate that it's so difficult for me to just accept it but its something completely new. I didn't know about myself.

The team wished me goodnight and I went home. I crawled into bed a cried. Not sad tears, but tears of realise. There is nothing wrong with me! Everything makes sense now. It was a big change but Im actually happy that I know now.

A got a few texts from the group chat.

Baby gurl: @ doctor badass how are you feeling y/n?

Doctor badass: I cried a bit. But I actually feel some relief, to know that there Is nothing wrong with me. I think I'm okay with it.

Bau dilf: you can take a day off to process it if you want.

Doctor badass: no thanks. I want to work. I booked a therapy session for tomorrow morning but I should be In on time.

Bau goddess: our first neuro spicy member ✨️

Doctor badass: HAHAHA no way all of you are completely neuro typical.

Chocolate thunder: what's that's supposed to me.

Doctor badass: don't take this the wrong way. Bc being neuro spicy is not a bad thing. But penelope does have signs of autism. Spencer might to but it could just be bc he's gifted. Emily has anxiety if you count that. And jj fits ocd.

Pretty boy genius: so you believe all of that but you never thought you might have adhd?

Doctor badass: eem I had alot of other things in my life okay!

Baby gurl: I actually do believe I might be slightly autistic. I don't want to get tested tho, don't think it's necessary for me to know. I'm just penelope garcia.

Chocolate thunder: just? Woman you are a whole lot more 😉

The conversation went on until I went to sleep.