In love with my bestfriend(s)

054

*next day*

I was emotionally exhausted but we had to work. I woke up feeling like I got no sleep.
I get I the shower, I feel like a dead man. I cried so much last night that I have nothing left to feel. But after the shower the anger just came back.

I didn't help out yesterday with finding doyles son I wasn't going to be much help.

Not only to emily. But to hotch...and jj...
They knowingly let me relapse,etc me runaway, let me break myself. At any point they could have told me. Jj should have told me, told Spencer. All those loving words she said to me in rehab. Every night when she comforted Spencer, on edge of relapsing aswell. She should have told him.

I got dressed and decided to drive to Alex's house, I need her rn.

I text her right before I arrive. She immediately opens the door. "Y/n" she  said my name and pulled me in for a hug. We stayed like that for a moment. Afterwards we sat down on her couch.
"Yk how many times I've stared at her phone number yesterday and today aswell. I still don't know for sure if she's actually alive or if my mind is tricking me" i talk to Alex. I needed to pour my heart out to someone els than my sponsor.

"I even dreamed that none if this was real that I was just high in drugs and that spencer had wings on his enkels?" We both giggle.

"It's very real y/n. Emily is alive. Did you think about using?" Alex asked.
"Yeah still do. But i called my sponsor last night. I wanted to stay in bed but I  didn't want to fall in to a depressive episode so I'm forcing myself to go to work. Atleast all have you and spencer to be a buffer or something " I say laughing but Alex doesn't seem to think it's funny.

"Y/n. This is my last case" She just blurred out. I immediately grab her hands. "What?!" I respond.
"My husband and I are going to give it another try and, I got a teaching position. Besides now that Emily's back she will probably want her spot back"

"What?! No she died its your spot!" I said upset. "You can't leave me Alex!" I was so vulnerable rn, I hate being emotional I used to be tough.
"Y/n I'm not leaving you. I'm leaving quantico. And I'm staying for 2 more weeks. We will keep in contact I promise " she pulled me in for a hug again. I swallow and pull in my emotions. I have to be at my strongest rn.

Alex and I leave to work together. Spencer waited for me in the parking lot. I tell Alex to go a head and go without me. As soon as she steps in the elevator spencer kisses me on the cheek. But it felt weird. Emily's alive. Idk how I feel about her.
Spencer noticed.
"Hey I know emily being back makes it weird. But I really like you and I want to get through this" he takes my hands.
I know he understands.

"I know u really like you too. I just don't know how I feel about emily now she's back. But I'll just ignore her for now okay?" I noticed Spencer was insecure about this so I tried to reasure him. I'll just ignore emily.

We both walk up to the bullpen. "Hey guys" I say with a bright smile trying to pretend everything is okay. But they all give me a concerned look.
Jj walks towards me but I walk past her. I can't deal with her I'm to angry.
"Y/n" jj says disappointed.
Emily walks over aswell.
"Don't talk to me. I'm so damn angry I could nock you out rn. You lied to me, you lied to spencer. Ugh!" I whisper in anger to jj. I just ignored emily. I couldn't even finish my sentence before walking away to penelope office. I immediately take her fidget toys to relax.
" can't talk, angry, overwhelmd " I say as I squeeze I'm stress balls.
"Thanks I just needed a second. Can you update me on what happend yesterday?"
Penelope took a deep breath.

"Emily went in to talk to Ian. Found the mother of his son might have kidnapped him for revenge or money. She was into narcotics and prostitution. We found another body in a wearhouse linked to another enemy from doyle. Spencer used Ian as bate. Emily convinced strauss-"

She always knows how to convince people. Seems the whole team forgave her.
"We got the son but ian is dead. And now we have to stand trial"
I was shocked at the end.
I didn't know he died. I didn't know they have to stand trial.

"What?" I say shocked.
"You too. Today actually " she ended up saying. She saw I was was panicking a little. So ge pulled me in.
"Why? Why do I have to stand trial. I wasn't involved?" I question.

She let go of me.
"Probably bc of you and emily "
Penelope responded.

The trail was horrible they brought up my drug use, my attempt. And I hated that I felt less angry at emily for standing up for the team at trail.

Now I had to say goodbye to Alex. Yesterday was her last case. I I wasn't on it.

I walk to her desk as she's cleaning it.
"I'm going to miss you" I say with tears.
"I'll miss you too. But remember I'm still in town for 2 weeks"
We brace In hugs.
"I should go now i know your no5 good at goodbyes " I laugh at her comment. I wave and see her walk out the elevator.

I saw the rest of the team tanding at Emily's memorial picture.
I walk passed them along with Derek
"Derek, y/n stop" hotch yelled. I roll my eyes and we stop in our tracks.

I zoned everything out, I didn't want to here why I shouldn't be angry or why I should forgive them.
"We need to talk" strauss walked by I snap back to reality.
This day will never end.
Hotch loom at me weird.
"If your wondering, no I didn't listen" and I follow behind strauss.

She told us the team will be under surveillance and that emily is welcomed back.
I stand in shock and wait for her responds.
"May I think about it"
Ha strauss looks offended.
Not a second passed when she said "I'm in" people smile in relieve.
But I don't.

"You got to be kidding me?" I say pissed of.
"Y/l/n " hotch said serious. I just roll my eyes again.
I walk out but someone take my arm.
I pull and push without looking as reflex.
"Oo. I'm sorry I shouldn't have touched you but pls y/n. Sweetheart I just want to talk to you" Emily said.

"Sweetheart?! You died May I remind you. And spencer and I are dating now. I'm not your sweetheart " I say before walking out.