In love with my bestfriend(s)

043

*another 3 weeks*
Rossi is picking me up out of rehab.
"You ready?" He asked.
I slowly nodd.

"Any update on strauss?" I ask. I want to know if I can get my job back.
"The bord director wants to sit down with you and strauss" I sigh as j step in the car
"Can that be at the end of the week. I want to take things slow today" Rossi nodds.

"I'm proud of you kiddo"
I take a hold of my necklace. The one emily gave me. The one they took away in rehab for safety.
"I hope she is too" I whisper.
Rossi starts to car. I'm going to stay at his house again. Since Mt landlord kicked me out. And I cant afford a place of my own atm.

On the way we passed 2 drug spots.
"Did penelope clear my phone?" I ask. If I still have the contacts of my dealers. It will be too difficult to ignore it.
"She did. Y/n I want you to tell me or Spencer or Alex. Anyone. If you have a hard day and want our help. Even if you don't want our help. I want to know about all the bad days"
I nodd.

"Could we stop at Emily's grave and maybe get her flowers?"
I want to update her. Eventho I don't believe she can here me. It actually helps to think she can.

"Ofc moi bambino"
Rossi stopped at a flower shop and bought her favourite flowers.

"Say hi for me" he says as I step out the car.

As I walk besides the graves. I realise how long it's been since I've been here.
I see here grave in the distance. It still feels weird to see her name on a headstone.

I brush of the dust and sit doen infront of it. As I lay down the flowers.

"Hi. I'm alive" I say laughing but a tear escaped my eye.
"I'm sorry if I disappointed you. I just. I needed to stay high so I could keep you of my mind. It hurts to much. Even now. But noah said its better to feel pain than nothing at all. I'm not sure if I agree yet." I take a moment to breath.

"I promise you that when I get my job back I will find doyle. And make him pay. Without killing him then. But if he dies its a nice bonus." I can imagine her laugh in ny head. Although it's vague.

"It hurts when I think about you. When I try to imagine what you would say to me but can't. When the sound of your voice in my head. Doesn't sound like your voice anymore." One day I won't be able to imagine any of it. I won't see her face clearly in my head anymore without the reminder of a picture.

Rn there is one I still see clearly.

The imagine made me laugh.
"I've got to go. I can't make Rossi wait so long. He says hi btw. I know he misses you as much as I do" I slowly stand up and walk to the car.

"You okay kiddo?" He asked.
"Yeah. I just want to take a nap"

And so we drive home.