In love with my bestfriend(s)

025

Tw drug use, abortion

I'm at rossis house in the spare bed. My body itches and I'm sweating badly.
I jumped in a cold shower, hoping it helps. But then I got so damn cold so I crawled back under the covers.
My body is shivering when Rossi walks in.
"Hey kid, I made you some thea"
Rossi hands me the cup.
"Pls I need my drugs, I can slowly stop using them"  I whipe my nose and put my Thea on the night stand. My joy is shaking so badly.

Rossi puts another blanket around me.
"I can't, you need to get clean"

(Idk how to write the withdrawal part so I'm skipping over that. I'm really sorry.)

*1 week later*

I relapsed once, so I'm 5 days clean now. But I still can't talk about it.
Hotch is forcing me to go to therapy but all I do is sit in silence.

I'm moving back into my own apartment. Rossi helped me clean it up. My body has been a mess, I constantly feel sick.
I walk down to my bathroom and take out a pregnancy test.
"It can't be" I say laughing before i piss on it.

I leave it in the batroom and call hotch.
"When can I come back?" I ask him.
"Are you clean?"
"5days and I've been going to meeting, I haven't really talked about what happend yet but-" hotch cut me off.
"Y/n like I said you are going to need a pshyc evalf. I can plan it for you, but you need to be able to talk about what happend"

I sigh and take a moment. " you can plan it" I end to phone call and walk to the bathroom.

I take the pregnancy test. It's positive.
I start to panic and hyperventilate.
He got me pregnant.
I didn't know what to do. I can't have this kid.  I can't do this alone.

I spent the whole day panicking. Trying to decide what to do.

My body must have been so messed up that I didn't notice I was pregnant.
I can't keep this baby.

I needed someone to talk to. I needed emily.

I get in my car and drive to the bureau.
I sit in the parking lot, thinking about what John did to me.
I wipe my tears and walk inside.
"Is everything okay y/n?" Spencer asked as soon as he saw me.
"I eem, I need emily"
Emily got up and we went to an empty room.
"What can I do for you"
I tried to hold in my tears and bite my lips.
"I eem, I have a doctors appointment. But I don't want to go alone. I know it sounds stupid-" emily cut me off.
"It doesn't sound stupid. I'd love to go with you"
I look at her in tears.
"Em"
"Yeah?"
"I need a hug"
She immediately hugged me. I stayed in her arms. I didn't want to leave her.

She stayed by my side in the hospital. She is the first one to ask about me. She's just perfect.
"Let's go"
I wipe away my tears and we walk out.
"Hotch" emily yelled.
"I'm leaving early, its a private matter" hotch nodds and emily and I leave.

"I'll drive" she says to me.
I put in the address in the GPS.
When we finnaly arrive, emily looks at me.
"What kind of doctor practice is this"
I look her in the eyes.
"It's an abortion clinic"
Emily looks at me, and realised what this ment. I break down again.
She got out of the car and opend my door to hold me.
"Ow y/n"

She held on to me, until I stopped crying. "I can't do this alone"
"You don't have to. I'm here. And I'll stay with you" I look at her beautiful eyes. Hearing her say she would stay with me, i felt safe with her.
"I had an abortion too" emily said to me. I look at her shocked.
"Where you-"
"No, it was concentual" she cut me off.
"I was 15. And eem Matthew, my boyfriend stayed by my side through it. Just like I will stay by you"

Emily took my hand and we slowly walk inside.
The lady in the entrance asked if I had an appointment.
"I eem. Y/n y/l/n" I say to her. Emily held my hand through the whole time.

"This way" we get put in a room the silent was so loud.
I get up and pace around the room.
"I can't do this" I panic.
"Y/n look at me" emily stopped me too look at her.
"You don't have to do this, if you don't want to. But I think you do. You came all this way. If this is not what you want we can walk out now. Whatever you decide" she was so kind. And gentle.

A doctor walks in.
"Hi I'm Doctor verna. I will need to examine you first" I look at her in a panic.
"Do-do you have too?" I ask her.
"I'll be quick" I sit down and put a robe around my waste before pulling of my pants and underwear.
"I can leave if you want" emily asked.
"No, no stay pls" I take her hand.

The doctor looks down. She doesn't do anything she just looks.
"Is it that bad?" I say nervous.
"Their is alot of scar tissue. The exam maybe be uncomfortable"
She starts touching me. I panic and see flashback.
"Stop Stop!" I yell. The doctor puts her hands up.
"I'm sorry" She says to me.

I break down in tears again.
And put my hands up on my face.
"I'll give you a second" the doctor walks out.

My breathing gets heavy again.
"It-it feels like he-.... like he's inside of me" emily takes both my hands.
"He's not, he's in prison. He will never touch you okay. "

"I never told anyone. I- i never got checked out"
Emily shushed me and helped me calm down my breathing.

The doctor walks back in.
"Is it okay I can continue?"
I nodd at her. The images keep flashing before my eyes. I couldn't help but dissociat again.

I snap out of it when emily squeezed my hand.
"Sorry " I yell her.
"Hey don't apologise" she smiled.

I was allowed to put my legs down. I put my pants back on.

"Here are your pills. 1 stops the pregnancy, the other breaks it down. It will feel like a heavy period, make sure to drink enough water. If anything feels of, call." She gives me the 2 pills and a water bottle.

I stare at the pills.
Emily sat down next to me.
"Take your time. After wards you can sleep at my place " emily said to me.

I trown the pills back and drink the water.
"No, penelope let me stay in her home. Them rossi. I don't want to invade. But I don't want to be alone either. Would it be okay if you stay at my apartment"
Emily nodds.