In love with my bestfriend(s)

060

I spent the rest of the day talking to my sponsor. I just got my 4 months ship. Everything has been alot to wrap my head around. Especially about what emily said. That she wouldn't survive if I wasn't here.

It kept spinning through my head. So I drove off to her apartment. I stood infront of her door thinking I haven't been in her apartment .  I finnaly found myself knocking on her door. Just a few seconds later she opend it.
"Y/n? Is everything okay? Come in" she said while questioning why I was there.

I look around the apartment as I walk in. Same furniture. Although some things are different.
"I just wanted to talk if that's alright. I was thinking alot about what happend yesterday " I said as emily guided me to her living room.

I say down while she got me some water. I took it with my left hand since my right hand is still soar.
"First off I think I should apologise-"
I started off saying.
" no y/n you shouldn't apologise. You had everything right to feel the way you did"
She said sympathetic.

She Layed her hand om my leg which layed on the couch.
"I don't really know how to feel at the moment. After everything being said yesterday..." I followed up.
"But eem that's not what I wanted to apologise for" I get back on track.

"I actually wanted to apologise about those voice messages.-" I went on and we talked about those a little until the question I really wanted to ask came up.

"Did you really ment what you said? That If I would have died when you came back that you wouldn't survive?" I asked. Emily placed both hand in mine.

"When I was away I griefd all of you. But especially you y/n. I never loved someone like I loved you. I was so lonely and just wanted to hold you. If I came back and found out you were- *sigh* I don't know what I would have done. I don't want to image it ever" she held her head down at the thought.

I took my left hand and held it up to her cheek lifting her head.
Our eyes locked. It was just the 2 of us. Her beautiful dark eyes.

Its likes she knew what she was doing to me. She moves her hand on top of mine. She closes her hand and just imvraced my hand that was gliding over her face. As she opend them het eyes glinsterd even more.
"I missed you" she said.

I could feel our bodys moving closer. Mt sight shifted to her lips. The lips I've been wanting to kiss the lips I haven't felt in months.

We move passionately onto eachother as our bodies collided. Everything about it felt so great until it didn't.
Spencer. I pulled away and got up.
"I'm sorry I eem I need to leave " I said I dragged my hadn't across My mouth. I can't believe I did this to him.
"Y/n i-" Emily spoke I look back while running out. She had her finger on her lip.

My head is filled with guilt but god did I like the taste her lips. I immediately drive to Spencers apartment. How am I going to explain?
Once I arrive u pace around and around. I'm playing around with my fingers.
Eventually I nervously knock on his door. After a few seconds he opens it.

"I-i am so sorry" was the first thing that came out. He looked at my body language and saw how anxious I was.
He didn't say anything at first. He guided me in sat me down and started to make tea for me.

"Pls don't be mad at me" I say with tears in my eyes. In the moment I don't even think about how great it felt to kiss her. All I feel is guilt and fear of loosing Spencer. Which I love so much.
"Hey Shh. Breath okay. Let's calm down first" he said as he came over to me. He bended down and grabbed my hands so I would stop pulling my skin.

I looked in his eyes and tried to calm down. Why am I the one on the edge of crying when I'm the one who cheated. I don't deserve to feel sorry for myself.

The kettle was boiling. Spencer walked over with 2 cups of tea.
"Whenever your ready okay? Know I would never judge you" he said.
But I'm scared he will.

"After yesterday I felt so confused i-I don't know if I should be angry or sad or forgive full and i-. I thought I should talk to emily. And she i-. I kissed her. And I'm so so sorry. I should never have done that. Everything is just so confusing and i- I need to stop making excuses. I'm sorry i-" Spencer stopped me. He walked over to me. And I fliched I pullback from him.

But he gently moves my face towards him. I open my eyes to face him. He isn't angry? He isn't sad? I don't know how to react when all of a sudden he hugs me.

"Thank you" he said. Making me even more confused. He pulled out the hug and said " thank you for telling me. And I understand. Everything is very confusing right now. And I know you would never have done it if your mind was set straight. It's okay y/n I'm not mad" I pull the tears back in.
"Really?" I asked.

He embraced me again. I stayed in his arms for the rest of the night.