In love with my bestfriend(s)

042

*3 weeks later*

It's been though In rehab. All I want to do is run and give up. But I cant break my promise again. And now its time for amends.

"At what time will the team be here?" I ask my councler.
"In 20 minutes. And outside of work they are your friends not your team"
He said.
"Yeah, strauss fired me so" I whisperd.

I found our 2 days into rehab. I have supervised Internet access. So I checked my mail. Strauss fired me. Said I was lucky I still had my badge.

Time passed. Until 1 for 1 they arrived.
"Y/n?!" I hear Derek's voice.
I run towards him with a long hug.
"I made cookies" I hear penelope.
I greeted them all. We went to sit in a lounge along with my coach and such.

"Do we immediately start or?" I ask my coach. "You can start with small talk if it makes it easier. But remember what you wanted to say" I nodd.
"Great. So can I can some update from you guys first?" I say awkwardly.

"Strauss is in rehab aswell" Derek poped out.
"For her alcoholism? But she dares to fire me?!" I get angry. I never gave strauss up bc I knew her pain and if I gave her up she would do the same for me.

"Wait she fired you?!" Hotch said shocked.
"We can fight that right?" Spencer asked.
The small talk continued. Until it was time to apologise.

First I needed to do the whole I'm an addict speech.
R
Then came the hard stuff.
"I'm sorry for the way I hurt you. I lied, straight to your faces. It was easier to lie than face the truth.  I'm sorry you had to see me that way. I'm sorry I scared you." And so on.

By the end we were all in tears.
"Can I say something?" Spencer asked.
I nodd and wipe my tears.
"I'm sorry I didn't see you were using again. I should have known-"
I stopped him.
"What? Spencer. You couldn't have. I lied. And you needed to focus on yourself. Don't you dare feel guilty"
The day ended with more fun conversations. Spencer stayed a little longer.

Just me and him. Now that I'm sober I realise that feelings are coming up again. Feelings for Spencer.

He takes my hand, and I cant help to notice his soft smile. And those beautiful eyes. The short but still wild hair. "I'm really proud of you" Spencer said.
Hearing him say those words.

"I'm not even half way there yet. I might have to stay here longer. Bc if I see a dealer I won't be able to stop myself from buying and then comes the using" I admit. Normally patients stay for 1 month. Without relapse or set backs. But I'm going to need more than that.

"Eventho you still have a long way to go doesn't mean I can't be proud of the progress you have already made" he said.
"Thanks Spence. How are you doing?" I ask trying to get the conversation going. I don't want him to leave yet.

"Well it's been 3 months since emily died. And I'm not crying infront of jj's door anymore" he said laughing.

I laugh along with him. "Well give me life updates" I ask.

"Ooo. Well there isn't much. We've just been dealing with some weird cases. Eem there is a problem with your apartment though" Spencer said nervous.

"What?" I ask.
"Well penelope got you rent postponed. But since you don't have a source of incomest. And the apartment is empty...your landlord wants to kick you out"
I burry my head in my hands.

"But no worries. We will handle it"
A silence fell.
"Want to play chess?"