Under That Niqab

60. Reliance

Why is it challenging to have faith in what people say? Why do we struggle to trust them and dismiss our instincts that what tell us might be a lie, even if they aren't lying? Despite evidence to the contrary, that feeling persists, gnawing away at our ability to think rationally and causing us to adopt a fixed perspective. It is as though we've convinced ourselves that everyone is deceitful and that- People are liars, all of them are.

She had gone through the stages of pain that come with this realization, and now she was firmly entrenched in the belief that everyone in this world is simply acting out their desires and now was isolated to the thought, to the perspective that everyone is just fulfilling their desires in this world. And so they lie. They lie in accordance with their comfort, they put show and deceive you. And you are foolish enough to be deceived.

Every syllable dropping out of Shavez's lips was a balm to Haya's soul, no words provided such comfort to her ever, this was new yet she was bound to stay in the clutches of doubt. Everything he did seemed genuine, everything he said, seemed genuine but she wouldn't be foolish this time.

"In another lifetime, I had done the same"

No, you wouldn't, it was luck, mere luck. And now that you saw that I was at my lowest to satisfy your male ego, you chose me. When you saw that I have become weak and you can mold me the way you want, you married me. If you would know, only if you would know what I am capable of and what I'm planning to do ..you wouldn't, you would not choose me again.

"My turn to ask" He interrupted her thoughts like he always would. "Let me think..umm"

Haya rested her head on her knees, the silky fabric of her maxi dress a soft cushion. She briefly closed her eyes, then opened them again, taking in the view in front of her. A sudden flash of lightning illuminated everything, casting a momentary brightness on every object in the room, including Shavez. He sat cross-legged, his chiseled features lit up as he appeared to be pondering over something.

"What are those medicines you take?"

"Hm?" She was surprised to hear that question popping out of nowhere and it caused her to lift her head back up. A loud thundering voice accompanied her gesture shaking her nerves stilling her for a moment causing her heart to almost stop, she gulped it down. "I- I don't know"

"You don't know?" He turned his face raising his eyebrows, his chiseled sharp features held a calm and soothing expression, contrary to the question he asked. There was a rumble heard again and this time she felt it happen inside her body, threatening to break her apart.

"Y-yes. I-I don't know"

"You don't know or do you not want to answer?" He looked towards the front again, windows were shut and the curtains drawn, yet it was chilly, the only light was from a small golden lamp stuck to the ivory wall.

"I don't know" She was hesitant to look at him in the eye when his head turned towards her confused to hear her answer.

"How-"

"My mom, she used to take them." She decided to say since he was already aware of what kind of life she had lived. "They provide relief is all I know, didn't dig up the details."

"They are painkillers. Harmful. Now you know what those are."Shavez's expression turned serious as he informed her, 

Despite knowing the potential harm, Haya was unbothered. She didn't care if they were harmful or anything as such. Those pills were the only ones she gulped down to take a break from every ache in her body. They were her saviors. The unbothered, aloof expression didn't go unnoticed by him as he looked at her with concern. "Haya, have you considered finding other ways to manage your pain and uneasiness? Maybe there are other options that can help you without harming your body."