Strike Of Luck

Chapter Fourty Nine

Jordan's POV

"So Jordan tell me, why are you here today?" The woman sitting across from me with the notepad on her hands asked me.

"I don't know why do people come to therapy?" I shot back rather rudely but she didn't seem phased by it. I wonder how many people with an attitude she has had to endure.

"Because they have problems they feel like they cannot solve on their own and want to find the right help. But I want to know why you are here." She asked once again, I wasn't the one that made the appointment but I also didn't think that Chris would mention the reason I'm here... not that she knew the whole reason.

"Jordan you are not forced to be here, you can walk out at any time you like."

"I don't want to be here... but I have to, I need to. I need to start healing before I hurt the people I love... so I don't keep hurting them." I closed my eyes and took deep breath. You can do this. "My girlfriend died four years ago, she was my first friend, my first love... my first everything and she died in my arms while we slept."

I tried to keep my tears at bay, I tried so hard. "I can't move on... I've tried, I'm trying and I just can't. And now I'm about to lose my girlfriend because I said I loved my ex while I was drunk. I'm here for her, so I don't lose her."

I can't lose Olivia.

I want to be able to love her like she deserves. Like I want to.

"You are not here for yourself?" Dr. Morrison asked.

I didn't know how to answer that, such a simple question yet I have no quick answer. Am I here for myself as well or just to save my relationship? "I don't know."

She wrote something in her notepad, "Tell me more about your girlfriend, how did she die?"

"She had heart failure, we found out when she was sixteen and she had a life expectancy of five years, six at most... and she lived them until her heart gave out. We were best friends before we were ever anything else." I stopped to wipe my tears, the doctor handed me some tissues, I notice the woman looking at me expectingly.

"Go on."

"I've never had anyone, not really. My parents weren't the most caring- well my mom was but she stood and did nothing the moment my dad kicked me out... I begged her and she chose him. He hated me all my life and she still stood by him. But I had her, she made sure I knew that, she loved me and I did her... we didn't have to be a couple to know that we did love each other." The subject quickly changed from her to my parents to back to her.

"You keep saying she, why can't you say her name? What is it so bad about it, Jordan?" Dr. Morrison took off her glasses.

"Saying her name hurts."

Everything about her hurts me.

"It hurts you because it reminds you that she's gone? That she's never coming back?" Her words felt like daggers on my chest, but truer words couldn't be said.

"Yes." I replied shakily.

"Do you want to continue?"

"I do."

"What happened after she died? What happened to you?"

I thought back to that dreadful time, the worst day of my life as I saw the love of my life being carried out of our bed after the paramedics tried to resuscitate her... failing to do so.

Then the second worst day of my life. Her funeral.

"Jordan." I was brought out of my trance by the sound of a voice.