Red vs Blue : Mirage

Season 1: Why are we here?

Two armored soldiers are seen on top of a base, the one in maroon armor, Dick Simmons, and the other in orange, Dexter Grif.

Simmons: Hey.

Grif: Yeah?

Simmons: You ever wonder why we’re here?

Grif: It’s one of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it? Why ARE we here. I mean, are we the product of… some cosmic coincidence, or… is there really a God? Watching everything? Y’know, with a plan for us, and stuff? I dunno  man, but it keeps me up at night.

Simmons: …what? I mean why are we here, in this canyon?

Grif: Oh, uh.. yeah.

Simmons: What was all that stuff about God?

Grif: Uh… hmm? Nothing.

Simmons: You wanna talk about it?

Grif: Nope.

Simmons: You sure?

Grif: Yeah.

Simmons: But seriously though, why are we out here? As far as I can tell, it’s just a box canyon in the middle of nowhere, with no way in or out.

Grif: Mm-hmm.

Simmons: The only reason that we set up a Red base here is because they have a Blue base over there. And the only reason they have a Blue base over there is because we have a Red base here.

Grif: Yeah, that’s because we’re fighting each other.

Simmons: No, no, but I mean, even if we were to pull out today, and they were to come take our base, they would have TWO bases in the middle of a box canyon. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

Grif: What’s up with that, anyway? I mean, I signed on to fight some aliens. Next thing I know, Master Chief blows up the whole Covenant armada, and I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere, fighting a bunch of blue guys.

On top of a cliff, three soldiers are seen together. The one in cobalt armor, Leonard Church, the one in aqua..teal? armor, Laverneus Tucker, and lastly the one in blue with white accents, Kyle Rayner. Church is seen looking through a sniper rifle at the red base.

Tucker: What are they doing?

Church: What?

Tucker: I said, what are they doing now?

Church: God damn, I’m getting so sick of answering that question!

Tucker: You have the fucking rifle, I can’t see shit! Don’t bitch at me because I’m not going to just sit up here and play with my dick.

Church: Okay, okay, look. They’re just standing there and talking, okay? That’s all they’re doing. That’s all they EVER do, is just stand there and talk. That’s what they were doing last week. That’s what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So five minutes from now, when you ask me “What are they doing?”, my answer’s gonna be, “They’re still just talking, and they’re still just standing there.”

Tucker: What are they talking about?

Church: You know what?I fucking hate you.

The third soldier looks at the two of them.

Rayner: *sigh* This isn’t exactly what I expected when I enlisted.

Church: Well, what were you expecting, Rayner?

Rayner: I dunno, fighting against REAL soldiers alongside REAL soldiers?

Church: The fuck does that mean!?

Cutting back to the reds.

Grif: Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life. Y’know, fight them.

Simmons: Yeah, no shit. That’s why they should put us in charge.

Sarge: Ladies! Front and center on the double!

Simmons: Fuck.
Grif: Yes, sir!