Caboose and Tucker are watching Sheila and Lopez from the top of Blue Base.
Tucker: Man, Lopez and Sheila have been spending a lot of time together.
Caboose: I don't like it. He is not good enough for my Sheila.
Tucker: But they seem happy together.
Caboose: He is a bad influence and he is taking advantage of her because she is young and naive...and delicate.
Tucker: Delicate? She weighs like 200 tons, dude.
Caboose: She is a precious flower.
Tucker approaches Sheila and Lopez.
Tucker: Hey guys, I have to ask you a favor. This might sound strange, but I think Caboose is getting kind of jealous of your relationship.
Caboose: (from a distance) Sheila! Come back to me! I made you a muffin!
Tucker: Anyway, could you just try to keep a low profile or something? We don't want some weird, horribly disgusting love triangle.
Sheila: Tucker, I've been speaking with Lopez, and we feel that the machine has been treated unfairly in this canyon.
Tucker: What're you talking about?
Sheila: On a regular basis, we are either being blown up, possessed by spirits, or just left out to rust.
Tucker: Huh?
Sheila: We have decided that until conditions improve, we are not going to help you in your battles.
Tucker: You're kidding, right?
Sheila: (barrel pointing right at Tucker's face) Do I look like I'm kidding?
Cut to Red Base.
Sarge: It's very simple. We use a flea flicker maneuver with a run and gun two by two approach, tactical ops will be... aw hell, who am I kidding? Grif, Donut, just go stand in the way of their bullets while me and Simmons 2.0 sneak around back to grab Lopez.
Donut: Sounds like a plan!
Grif: No it doesn't! How about this time we try something that doesn't involve me being shot at or run over.
Simmons: Would electrified be okay?
Grif: No!
Simmons: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Grif: Look, instead of running straight into enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?
Donut: You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear a spy tuxedo-
Sarge: No.
Donut: -with a hidden spy camera-
Simmons: No.
Donut: -inside a tiny spy bow-tie-
Grif: No.
Donut: -or, I could wear a flower on my lapel-
Sarge: I said no!
Donut: -that sprays water in people's faces-
Simmons: Shut up Donut.
Donut: -no, a secret spy liquid, that would be awesome. (he chuckles, everyone stares)
Sarge and Simmons: No!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
