Fade in to a wide shot of Blue Base.
Church: Uhh, I don't believe this.
Rayner: Oh you best believe it bitch.
Doc: It's true, your friend Tucker is pregnant. See, my little gizmo lights up green to indicate pregnancy.
Church: I thought it lights up green to indicate flesh wounds.
Doc: Yeah also that.
Church: And infectious diseases.
Doc: Hyeah, it lights up green for just about everything. It takes a while to figure out the difference. (Doc starts using his medical tool). Like this green, indicates a sense of longness and needyness.
Rayner: (sniffs) I miss my girlfriend.
Doc: And this green right here indicates a high level of anger stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacy.
Church: If that thing keeps talking bad about me, I'm gonna fucking smash it!
Doc: And this green means impotency. Oops, actually that green causes impotency! My bad Church.
Church: Oh, that's okay, I wasn't using it anyway.
Rayner: I still wanna use mine keep that thing away from me.
Doc: See, these tools can be confusing sometimes. That's why doctors have to go to school for so long. Not that I'm actually a doctor, mind you.
Church: And that's never been more apparent than with this diagnosis.
Tucker: Uogh, what diagnosis?
Doc: Congratulations Tucker, you're pregnant.
O'Malley: Huhahaha, yes, with bastard. Muhuhahahahahaha.
Tucker: It's not mine, I wasn't even in town that weekend.
Church: Tucker don't listen to him, he's a lunatic, man, he's got no idea what he's talkin' about.
Doc: Uh, you want me to go over the green light thing again?
Caboose runs in holding "Andy's" skull.
Rayner: Whoa there Caboose, slow down.
Caboose: Doctor! Help! My second best friend is dead! Fix him.
Church: Whoa whoa whoa, Caboose, what happened, who's dead?
Caboose: Andy! Andy's dead. Look!
Church: Okay, that's disgusting.
Rayner: Huh, for a bomb he has a pretty nice jawline.
Caboose: Doctor Doc, please help him.
Doc: Uh, I don't know what I can really do to help him, my first aid procedures aren't very effective after decomposition.
Church: Where did you get that?
Caboose: First Tucker dies and now Andy!
Doc: Tucker isn't dead, he's pregnant.
Tucker: It's not mine, we weren't even going steady!
Church: Stop that.
Tucker: Hey look man, I've been saying that for a long time, it's gonna take a little while to get used to this.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
