Fade in on Doc (O'Malley) standing on an icy precipice.
O'Malley: Hahahahahahahahaha. You fools have fallen right in to my hands. Only now, do you realise the folly of your follies, hahaha. Prepare for an oblivion, for which there is no preparation! (evil laugh)
Simmons: O'Malley! The Reds and Blues are working together now! You can't hope to beat us.
O'Malley: You fool! My metallic friend is the only ally I need. Lopez, activate weather control routines.
Lopez:(Spanish) Okay.
Lightning shoots out of Lopez, and he becomes surrounded in what look like spinning mystic runes.
Simmons: Are those runic symbols a sign of some ancient technology?
Doc: No, I used to draw them on my binder during study hall. I always wanted to use them for something. Aren't they cool?
O'Malley: Shut up!
Sarge: Oh, Samson's back hair. They found our secret weapon. I developed a weather control device, but I was missing one critical piece of technology to make it work.
O'Malley: Hahaha yes. And now that I've located those "D" batteries, the Universe will be mine! Hahahahaha!
Tucker: Are you serious? You couldn't find D batteries.
Sarge: Only at gas stations, and they're just so darn expensive there.
Rayner: I got our D batteries at a garage sale.
Church runs up to everyone, still ticking.
Church: What's going on?
Sarge: You want the long version or the short? Basically you've got a fifty megaton bomb in your gut-
Simmons: Ten sir.
Sarge: And Lopez is about to kill us all.
Grif is running up behind Church.
Church: That didn't make any sense, what's the long version?
Tucker: That was the long version. The short version is "we're boned."
Rayner: Yup, totally screwed.
Church: Rayner! You're finally back. What took you so long?
Rayner: Yeah, sorry. Had to take the long way around. I had to stop by the mall to buy some things for my girlfriend.
Church: Seriously? Next time you st–wait, girlfriend!?
Tucker: You got a girlfriend!? When did that happen!?
Rayner: When I was gone getting Church's leg wire.
Tucker: So all this time we were fighting an evil A.I. and getting run over by purple douchebags you were busy getting laid?
Rayner: Well, not exactly but, yeah that pretty much sums it up.
Tucker: Man this is bullshit.
Cut to Grif and Simmons.
Simmons: Hey Grif, are you okay?
Grif: I've done hard time, Simmons. I'm not the man you used to know.
Simmons: Hard time? We were only separated for five hours.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
