Red vs Blue : Mirage

Let's Come to Order

Fade in to the blues, with Tucker holding the weapon of mass destruction

Church: You got this thing where?

Tucker: Right up there.

Caboose: So... You went back in time, and didn't change... anything.

Church: Uh yeah, I was just like a, passive observer.

Caboose: I would have tried to save your life. ...From me!

Church: Yeah, I didn't think of that.

Tucker: (to Rayner) You still think the time traveling shit is fake?

Rayner: I guess I'm a bit more flexible on the notion now. With Church's recounting it's either he really did travel to the past or it was all just some sort of simulation in his head. But still, the whole 'destroying the present' shit is still a load of hogwash.

Tucker: Yeah that still doesn't make sense to me.

Rayner: As it should.

Church: Hey, Tucker, I don't think it's a good idea that you're keeping that thing.

Tucker: You're just pissed because you don't have one.

Church: No, you must have me confused with Tex. She's been staring at you non-stop since you found that thing.

Cut to Tex staring at the weapon like it's the last piece of cheesecake.

Tex: ...That's not true.

Church: You haven't taken your eyes off it.

Tex: Yes I have.

Church: Then why haven't you looked at me the entire time I've been talkin'?

Tex: I'm looking at you right now. (still looking at the sword)

Church: Nu-hoh you're not!

Tex: I've already seen you. Not too impressed.

Rayner: Damn, girl's thirsty. (Tex shot at him but he ducks under it) Y'know when you're shooting someone you're supposed to be looking at them.

Caboose: I would have tried to save Tex, too...

Church: Well I didn't, Caboose. I didn't try to save me, I didn't try to save Tex, and I sure as hell didn't make millions of copies of myself trying to keep the bomb from goin' off.

Caboose: Oh. (whispering) Because that was my next suggestion.

Church: Leave me alone, Caboose. I didn't wanna mess with the timeline.

Caboose: Time... line? (scoffs) Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round.

Tex: Man, that thing is really shiny.

Tucker: Yep.

Church: Tucker man, I still think- The computer told me that thing is a very important relic for some ancient culture. I wouldn't go swinging it around like that.

Tucker: Yeah? Well I think it's just a kickass piece of bling. And who're you gonna believe? Me, or some super-smart, stupid talking computer?

Cut to Sarge addressing Grif and Simmons

Sarge: Men, thanks for meeting on short notice, so covertly.

Grif: No problem. I had to move my lunch with the Pope, but uh, he was cool with it. He owes me. I helped him pick the hat.