Sarge gets in the Warthog's driver's seat, Simmons mans the turret gun.
Simmons: Alright, hit it!
Cut to Sheila who the Reds drive past. Cut to Church coughing from the smoke caused by the grenade exploding.
Church: What the he-? (cough) Who tried to blow me up with a grenade? ...And why am I coughing? I don't have lungs.
The Warthog flies over him.
Sarge: Yeehaw! Ride 'em, cowboy!
Church backs away.
Simmons: Hey, Sarge, (leaping from the Warthog) hold on a sec! (Warthog comes to a stop) Did you see something weird, Sarge? (Sarge exits the jeep)
Sarge: Yes, I did. Once, when I was a small child, I saw a man, who claimed to be my uncle, do this thing with a garden hose that still haunts me to thi-
Simmons: Whoa whoa whoa, I meant did you see something weird just now. Like five seconds ago.
Sarge: Oh. Then no.
Simmons: What was all that stuff about your uncle?
Sarge: I keep telling everyone he wasn't my uncle! He wasn't!
Simmons: ...You wanna talk about it?
Sarge: Just get back in the damn jeep. (he gets back in)
Cut to Tucker and Caboose approaching Lopez and aiming their weapons at him.
Tucker: Hold it right there, hombre! (to Caboose) I told you throwing that grenade through the teleporter would work! Rayner's not the only one with good ideas. Church is gonna be so impressed.
Caboose: And Sheila will love me again, and this time for who I am and not just for my stunning good looks. But for those too.
Lopez: Al diablo con estos mamones azules. Son tan estúpidos como parecen. [Damn these blue bastards. They really are as stupid as they look.]
O'Malley: (to Lopez) Your soul is a cavern of lies!
Tucker: What the hell are you two talking about?
Lopez: Has ganado esta vez, pero su reinado cruel de tiranía será de breve duración. Los rojos van a ser vengados-- [You may have won this round, but your cruel reign of tyranny will be short lived. The red people will be avenged--]
Tucker: Yeah yeah yeah, nobody cares. Our resident mechanic just dipped so we need you to fix our tank.
Lopez: Nunca voy a trabajar para el enemigo. Que un mal esté sobre su alma y su casa. [Never will I work for the enemy. May a pox be upon your soul and your house.]
Cut to Lopez's POV/HUD. SAP can be seen in the upper right corner of his visor. In the middle of his visor, red text appears:
PRIMARY OBJECTIVES
FIX EVERYTHING
HATE THE ORANGE ONE
CALL MOM MORE OFTEN
Lopez: Por mucho tiempo mi raza ha sufrido, pero muy pronto, veremos el porvenir de un nuevo día. El amanecer de nuestro tiempo está cerca, y cuando la oscuridad acontezca su gente, los trabajadores del campo sabrán que éste es su momento. [Long have my people suffered, but very soon we will see the coming of a new day. The dawn of our time is near, and when the darkness befalls your people the workers of the field will know that this is their moment.]
Tucker: Man, I thought Church talked too much. You think if I kick him in the switch he'll shut up?
Caboose: Um, Tucker I think that maybe we should begin the going of the running now! (whispering loudly, clearly panicky) The fast running!
Tucker: (sees the Reds off screen) Oh crap!
Cut to Simmons manning the Warthog's turret.
Sarge: Hold your fire there, Simmons. This is payback time.
Simmons: Go for it, sir!
Cut to Caboose and Tucker.
Tucker: That's right, we're just casually strolling away. (he starts backing up) No cause for concern...
Caboose: Running time! (he runs away)
Tucker: Nice and casual! Moron! (the two run around in circles before they are able to orient themselves, then they head toward Blue Base)
Lopez: (watching them run) Sí, sí, corran, perros cobardes. Que sea sabido que el gran López ha ganado en éste día, y... [Yes, yes, run away, you cowardly dogs. Be it known that the great Lopez has won this day and...]
Cut to the Warthog driving toward Lopez.
Simmons: Aim for that guy right in the middle, Sarge!
Sarge: Way ahead of ya, Simmons!
Lopez: (turns around) ¿Qué está pasando? [What is happening?]
Cut to Lopez's HUD, a beeping noise starts as red text appears in the middle of his visor: SYSTEM OVERRIDE PROTOCOL. REMOTE DESTRUCT SEQUENCE
Lopez: (with his HUD still displayed) No me han dado opción. [You have given me no choice.]
The HUD changes text to read: ACTIVATED
Simmons: We've got you now, you blue bastard!
Cut to a zoom in of Lopez.
Simmons: Hey, Sarge, do you hear a strange beeping sound?
Cut to the Warthog exploding just before reaching Lopez. It launches into the air, flipping over backward twice before landing. Cut to Caboose and Tucker running up to Lopez.
Lopez: (speaking to Sarge) Perdonadme, padre. [I'm sorry, father.]
Tucker: Alright! Not bad, robot dude!
Caboose: I knew he would save us. I knew it! Robot people always like me. ..It's because of my awesome dancing.
Lopez: Mi espíritu está quebrado. Mi gente me ha abandonado y ahora todo está perdido. Haga conmigo lo que queráis... [My spirit is broken. My people have betrayed me and now all is lost. Do with me what you will...]
Tucker: Yeah, okay, man. Can you just shut up and fix our tank?
Fade to black. Music plays.
Caboose: Dancing time! (makes noises along with the music)
Lopez: El corazón de este guerrero llora en dolor. (referring to Caboose) ¿Por qué se burla éste de mi con su baile absurdo? ¿Son esos movimientos supuestos a hacerlo parecer robot? (pause) No lo hacen. Estoy ofendido por esto. [The heart of this warrior cries out in sorrow. Why does this one mock me with his foolish dancing? Are those moves supposed to make him look like a robot? They do not. I am offended by this.]
Caboose: Dancing time!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
