Fade in to Donut and Sarge attacking the Blue Base ...sort of.
Donut: If you don't like the plants idea, how do ya feel about a fountain in the armory? That place is so gloomy.
Sarge: Come on, Donut, give it a rest already. I agreed to let you use Grif's helmet as a decorative bird bath, didn't I? Don't oversell.
Donut: Okay, but I have just one more idea. I'm gonna say two words, and then walk away. Chantilly, lace.
Sarge: Unless you're about to start singin' a Big Bopper song, I think the best part of that idea is the walkin' away.
Donut: Let it simmer.
Sarge: Hmm, no sign of any defenses. I think we might be catching Simmons at a weak moment.
Donut: Hmm, no sign of the tank either.
Sarge: Dear God, the madness is spreading! It's only a matter of time before it takes me!
There is the sound of Grif coming up from the grav lift
Grif: Wheeeeeeeee!
Donut: Did you hear that? It sounds like they're having fun in there.
Sarge: Clearly Grif has become so stupid, he's mixed up the yells for pain and happiness! Simmons must be doing absolutely diabolical things to him! Let's give him a few more hours, see if he escapes on his own.
Grif: Simmons I am having a blast going in and out of your hole!
Simmons: Grif just stay down there like you're told.
Donut: Well that's my cue, let's go!
Cut to Simmons inside the Base
Simmons: Grif, stop it I need your help.
Grif: (still going in and out of the grav lift) Go ahead, I'm listening.
Simmons: Would you stop riding that stupid grav lift?
Grif: I can do both at once. And why don't we have one of these things?
Simmons: The tank's been making upgrades to the base over the last few hundred years.
Grif: How did it do that without any tools? Or arms?
Simmons: I don't know, a lot of what she says doesn't match up. I think she might be lying to me.
Grif: You think the enemy's weapons are lying to us? What a surprise!
Simmons: It seems like a setup, I just can't figure out how.
Grif: (getting punched) Ow!
Simmons: I don't know, if I can piece it together maybe that'll help fix things with- Sarge!?
Sarge: Hello, Simmons.
Simmons: Where's Grif?
Sarge: Well this here's a rescue operation. He's unconscious down below, being prepped for evac.
Simmons: If it's a rescue operation, why did you knock him out?
Sarge: Well, all work and no play, you know, heh heh heh.
Simmons: That's dumb.
Sarge: I think you know the proper procedure for submitting complaints, Simmons.
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
