Red vs Blue : Mirage

The Hard Stop

Fade in to the building the Blues are in.

Tucker: Church! Chuu-urch, hey Church!

Church: I'm right behind you dumbass.

Tucker: Oh. Hey Church, do you have a knife?

Church: No. That's a weapon, dude, ask Rayner or Tex.

Rayner: Nah, I left my survival kit at the base. In hindsight I should've brought it since we were going on a journey.

Tucker: And Tex said she had something to take care of. Girl stuff I think.

Church: Huh? Like what?

Tucker: I don't know, I stopped asking questions at 'girl stuff'.

Church: What're you three guys doin'?

Tucker: We're gonna teach the Alien how to speak English.

Rayner: I think we should teach him, like dog commands, or something. Like, we demonstrate something and if he does it right we give him a treat.

Tucker: Treat him with what? This guy doesn't eat humans remember?

Rayner: Oh right. Wait how about robot parts. He seemed to like chewing on Church's body.

Church: Absolutely not.

Tucker: English it is then.

Church: How're you gonna do that?

Tucker: People learn English all the time, it aren't that hard.

Rayner: Yeah man. When I was a kid my mom used to just plop me down in front of the TV and put on cartoons in English to make me learn. (tries, and fails, to do an impression) Autobots, transform and roll out.

Church: What, mama couldn't spare some time to teach you your birth language?

Rayner: English isn't my birth language.

Church: Wait, it isn't?

Rayner: No, it's Japanese.

Church: You're Japanese!? But you have an American name!

Rayner: My dad was American and my mom was Japanese. Suffice to say she didn't want one of those mixed long ass names cause they sounded stupid so they went with my dad's family name.

Church: How come you never told me?

Rayner: Well you never asked. Tucker asked me.

Tucker: Yeah dude. You telling me you never noticed the manga and anime collection Rayner has?

Rayner: I feel like there's a lot of things you don't know about us. Like, way less than the minimum required amount to be colleagues of the same war platoon. You should stop screaming and complaining and socialize with us more.

Church: Nuh, I'll get to that... someday.

Tucker: So yeah, we're teaching big and slimy here the most kick-ass language from Earth. English 101, remedial kick-ass.

Church: There is no way this is gonna work.

Tucker: Yeah it is, we got visual aids and everything.

Church: Where the hell'd you get those?

Tucker: We made 'em. Turns out Caboose's gun didn't have any bullets- it was loaded with crayons. I just need to cut one of these things, you have a pocket knife?