Fade in on Doc/O'Malley behind a turret.
O'Malley: Yeeees, this place is coming along nicely. Excellent work repairing the turrets, Lopez.
Lopez: Gracias. Me encanta el trabajo manual. [Thank you. I find manual labor stimulating.]
Doc: I still say a flowerbox would have been a bit more neighborly.
O'Malley: Oh shut up you fool!
Doc: Hey, we should start a neighborhood association. It's just like a government, but run by housewives and old people. So it's a lot more efficient at controlling your lives.
O'Malley: Get out of my head!
Doc: Technically it's my head. But I don't mind sharing. Don't you remember that talk we had about sharing?
O'Malley: Shut up!
Cut to a strange red soldier running toward ...something.
Red Zealot: At last! My pilgrimage is over! I have reached the promised land!
O'Malley: (running to the ledge, through the fan) Who is that. Oh no. Not this buffoon! How did he get here?
Lopez: Él estaba cerca de la bomba cuando quemo. [He probably was blown nearby by the bomb.]
O'Malley: Hellooooo. What do you want?
Red Zealot: The disembodied voice of God! (kneels) I hear you Holy One! I have made it to the temple and await your command!
O'Malley: Up here- Helloooo. Red Moron. Eyes up, chop-chop!
Red Zealot: Oh. Greetings! Are you the gatekeeper of the temple?
Doc: Us? No, we just moved in. Can you help us move a couch? And do you know any good restaurants nearby?
O'Malley: Just a second. (To Doc) Listen you fool, let me handle this.
Doc: I don't know, you haven't been the best choice when it comes to making friends. Maybe I should try.
O'Malley: Nonsense! With the proper handling, this fellow will make an excellent stooge. And I'm the one here with the most experience training Stooges. Isn't that right, Lopez...
Lopez: Nyuk, nyuk.
O'Malley: You see!?!
Doc: Okay, you can handle this, but I get to hang my motivational posters in the living room. Hang in there kitty!
O'Malley: Fine. But I'm telling you that cat will never make it to Friday. (To courtyard) Yes, I am the guardian of the temple. What do you want?
Red Zealot: I have travelled great distances, in search of enlightenment!
O'Malley: Reaaally, that's perfect. We have tons of that in here, but listen. We just can't let anyone in who wants to get in, so goodbye.
Red Zealot: Wait! I will do anything. Just tell me what I need to do to gain entrance.
Doc: Psst, ask him what he knows about gardening.
Lopez: Pregúntale si podemos tener sus hombros. [Ask him if we can have his shoulders.]
Doc: Maybe he knows how to use that computer we found.
The gate opens, in a very bizarre, unnecessarily cinematic graphical sequence.
O'Malley: Alright then come on in. We'll think of something, (evil laughter) (more evil laughter) (even more evil laughter) (still more evil laughter)
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
