Sheila and Lopez approaching Red Base. Tucker driving Sheila.
Tucker: Ahh, Sheila we have to slow down or we're gonna run into that jeep!
Sheila: Please take evasive action. Please take evasive action.
Tucker: You take evasive action! Hey, Lopez, help me out! Can't you talk to her?
Lopez: Perdóname. Pero no puedo hablar con mujeres bellas porque sudo. [Sorry. I'm not good at talking to beautiful women. I get sweaty.]
Grif and Donut are crouching behind the jeep
Donut: Well old buddy, it looks like this is the end for us. Since we're going to die anyway, there's only one thing left for us to do. Grif-
Grif: If you actually suggest what I think you're about to suggest, I'll just have to kill myself.
Donut: -lets make a break for it!
Grif: Whew! In that case lets go on 3. That's worked well for me in the past.
Donut: Okay, you count.
Grif: Fine, but don't look at me while I count because I get nervous. (he turns around and Donut stands up) 1....(Donut runs away) 2..... (he turns around and sees Donut running) That son of a bitch, he beat me at my own game. Curses!
Sheila is heading right at the jeep. Sheila rams into the jeep, blowing it up and sending Grif and Lopez flying. Lopez yells in surprise of the explosion as he lands in a pool of Grifs Blood. Grif is briefly shown splatterd on the ground. The scene changes to show Sheila being covered by dust and rock lifted by the explosion. The scenes cuts to inside the red base. Donut runs up to Sarge and Simmons Panting heavily.
Sarge: Good golly Miss Molly! What is going on out there?
Donut: (Panting as he speaks) Sir, the blues are attacking with their tank! They-they blew up the Warthog, again.
Simmons: I wonder what jeeps ever did to those guys.
Donut: Grif and I just barely had enough time to make it out of there. Right Grif? ....uhh, Grif?
Cut to inside Caboose's mind.
Church: (to Caboose's mental image of Church) Why the hell did they pair me up with you?
Mental-Church: I wanted to keep my eye on you. I don't trust gigantic turds trying to steal my best friend, you rimjob!
Church: Well, this is going to be a great trip.
Mental-Rayner: (smug) What's wrong Church? Can't handle your own annoyingness? Now you see what we have to deal with on a daily basis.
Church: (to Mental-Rayner) God fuck I'd really wish you were dumbed down here.
Mental-Rayner: Well save it. Ain't it better for you to have someone halfway intelligent here to help you find O'Malley?
Church: (grumbling) I guess...
Mental image of Church approaches the ledge overlooking the area
Mental-Church: Attention Reds! The great Caboose demands an audience with you! So listen up, you blowjobbing cocksuckers!
Mental image of Simmons appears.
Mental-Simmons: Caboose? Oh no, he's come to kill us!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue : Mirage
HumorFormer mercenary Kyle Rayner has lived a rough life. After retiring from mercenary work he sought to live a normal life, but soon learns how hard it is to adjust to civilian life after all the grueling missions he's been on. So, he does the next bes...
