Red vs Blue : Mirage

Under The Weather

Fade in to Blue Base, with Tucker moaning.

Tucker: Uuuuuuuhuuugh.... Uuuuuuhhhohgaawwwwd..

Church: Man, he sounds terrible.

Caboose: Yeah, he's been like that since the swamp.

Church: Swamp? You guys were in a swamp?

Caboose: Yeah. It was dark and swampy. I wasn't scared at all.

Church: Is this why you guys came home so fast?

Caboose: No, we came home because the alien died, and because the uh glowing sword turned out to be a, uh, glowing key.

Church: Yeah, a glowing key that can still stab people.

Caboose: Right.

Church: So it is a sword. It just happens to function like a key in very specific situations.

Caboose: Or it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people, it unlocks their death.

Church: God damn man, I would love to live in your world for about ten minutes.

Caboose: Yeah. I have a really good time.

Church: Ehehehyeah, it seems like it. You know I don't think I'd get anything done, but I probably wouldn't care that much.

Tucker: Uuuuuhhhhhhhoh...

Sheila pulls up beside Church and Caboose. Rayner's jumps out of the driver's seat before Sheila drives off again.

Church: Oh, you guys done?

Rayner: Yup. I kinda wanted to make a Mount Rushmore but with anime characters, but the cliff wasn't big enough for that. So I did the next best thing.

They turn around as the view pans over to the cliff with a crudely made Mjolnir helmet carved into it.

Caboose: Neat.

Church: Eh, could've used more work.

Rayner: Anyways, hey Caboose. Welcome back. How'd your little quest went?

Caboose: It was a lot of fun. We fought a dead monster, crunchbite hugged Tucker in his sleep, we found a base full of people that Tex beat up, we found a ship, the alien took the ship, the ship got shot down by Wyoming, Tex went after Wyoming, an-and now we're here!

Rayner: Wait, Tammy's dead? Sweet.

Church: In short, they fucking failed.

Rayner: What, were you expecting something different?

Church: Good point.

Tucker: Uuuuuoooohoho...

Rayner: Woah, what's gotten into him?

Church:  I don't know. He's been like this ever since they got back. Hey Tucker, you okay?

Tucker: Ohh, why don't you guys come in here?

Church: Uh, because it might be contagious? Aaand because we've got to think about the health of the unit as a whole. I came up with that pretty fast.

Caboose: And because you threw up ten minutes ago! And that's just gross!

Church: Hey wait a second, you don't think that sword-

Caboose: You mean the key?

Church: No I mean the sword. You don't suppose that sword is makin' him sick, do you?