Red vs Blue : Mirage

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Onboard the Pelican airship, a screen shows a progress bar reaching completion.

Sheila: Hello, and thank you for activating the M808- wait a minute. Where am I?

Rayner: Oh, looks like everything went smoothly.

Caboose: Sheila! You're awake! I am so happy, look- we got you a new place to live. Now you are the big ship lady.

Sheila: I like it. It is so roomy. Much nicer than that stuffy old tank.

Caboose: And now... you can fly.

Sheila: Are you the pilot Caboose? Shall I run the tutorial program?

Rayner: Woho ho-kay, let's slow down there girl. I don't think we're gonna need any flying right now. Sheila,can you do me a favor and run a full diagnostic check?

Sheila: Certainly. Beginning full diagnostic.

Rayner: Alright then. I'm gonna go disconnected the hardline. Caboose, when Sheila's done, tell Tex that she's online again.

Caboose: Yes Capitan!

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In the underground secret base, the reds continue to look through the view screen.

Sarge: Look they're invading our base! And we're not even there to defend it. Oh the humiliation! Men, this aggression cannot stand. We'll beat those Blues all the way back across the canyon. This is the moment we've all been training for!

Grif: Training? We haven't done any training. Wait, is sleep considered training?

Sarge: Simmons, as with all our battle plans, I need you to punch Grif in the back of the head. Simmons? Simmons!

Simmons: Uh huh, yeah, I agree. Everything you say is right, Red Team's great... hooray.

Sarge: Simmons, stop watching those T.V.s.

Donut: Yeah, Simmons, give it up. There's not gonna be any more pictures of naked girls on there.

Simmons: Shut up, you don't know that. Stop saying that. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

Sarge: Men, this won't be easy. The Blues will be totally bunkered down. At both bases, which gives them an enormous strategic advantage! But we're the Red Team.

A flag comes into view behind Sarge, and someone starts singing.

Sarge: Sure, you might not be the best squad... might not be smart... or energetic, or have any skills that qualify you for duty in any other legitimately recognized military unit. However-

Donut: Where did that flag come from?

Grif: Flag, who gives a fuck about the flag? How about who's singing?

Sarge: But with precise operations, and proper communication, we will emerge victorious! With a little luck, one of us in particular will die a horrible death! Either at the hands of the Blues, or as part of a cunning distraction by yours truly.

The singing stops.

Simmons: Why don't we just take over Blue Base?

Sarge: Nonsense! At Blue Base they're much more fortified. Blue Base has turrets. Blue Base has a tank!

Simmons: Blue Base has no one in it.

Sarge: What?

Simmons: Look, see? They're all gone.