Red vs Blue : Mirage

Things Are Looking Down

Fade in to Sarge leading Simmons and Grif across the Gulch at what could almost be called a run.

Sarge: Come on, double time men! That goes double for you, Grif.

Grif: Why are we always double timing, anyway? Can't we ever half-time? Or how 'bout no time?

Sarge: No, numbnuts. According to Simmons, the Blues have already re-established contact with their Command.

Grif: What? That's why we're running?

Sarge: Of course. By now they could be receiving reinforcements. Or taking advantage of some new technological weapons development.

Grif: Or maybe their Command has been giving them the same generic orders ours always gives us like, "try to win" and, "do better than you're currently doing." I swear, sometimes I think they don't even know our names.

Sarge: That's just what I wanted you to hear. The conversations I had with Command always provided vital intelligence.

Grif: Like what?

Sarge: Like the location of the Blue base.

Grif: Right there.

Sarge: And the number of soldiers they have.

Grif: Four.

Sarge: Also, the location of the base.

Grif: Auh, you already said that one.

Sarge: I meant our base.

Simmons: Weren't we the ones that provided them the intel in the first place?

Sarge: Initially, yes. But Command processes our raw data and gives us back the key details. You may recall they sent us plans of the next phase of the war. They were stored in Lopez before he was kidnapped.

Grif: You mean before he ran away.

Sarge: No, I mean shut up, Grif.

Simmons: But how do we even know he still has the plans? Last time we saw him, all that was left was a head. Maybe he stored the files in his legs, or his chest.

Sarge: You idiot, who stores memories in their chest? Don't you know anything 'bout biology? The chest is strictly reserved for digestion.

Grif: Maybe they'll send us more reinforcements like last time. Donut's arrival was a real turning point in the offensive.

Sarge: Where is Donut?

Simmons: There he is. Looks like he's talking to somethi--

Sarge: Sweet jumpin' jiblies, I can't believe it!

Grif: What?

Sarge: Those blue devil's tyranny knows no bounds. They've marked their territory.

Simmons and Grif turn to see what Sarge is seeing, only to see Rayner's and Sheila's creation.

Simmons: What the-- how did they do that?

Grif: Woah, nice.

Sarge: I can't believe they've constructed a monument before I did! Simmons, as punishment for your treason I want you to carve a statue in my image but bigger, grander than the blue's when we get back, do you understand?

Simmons: What!? I thought we were already past--

Sarge: I said do you understand?

Simmons: (sigh) Understood, sir.