A girl, A boy, and a graveyard

Sleepless nights

Lockwood POV
1125 words

i don't remember what it felt like to be in love. I never really experienced childhood crushes or girlfriends, never, until that day me and George decided to put that ad in the paper again. Not until i had turned around and set my eyes on Lucy Carlyle. I hadn't realised it till we had held hands when jumping off the roof at that private auction to get the Bone Glass back. When we had leaped together off the roof diving into the piercing cold River Thames. The water bursting our ear drums as we clung together, the tide pulling us apart. Maybe i had felt that way for her before that, i'm not too sure, i don't exactly understand my own emotions, but that's when i realised it. And all i've been doing since then was pushing her away.

I hadn't meant for Holly to drive a wedge between us so much, to be honest I got annoyed with Holly sometimes. Only when she excessively came into my room to ask me questions of what to clean and what to throw away, and gawk about how tidy my room already was. I hardly spent time in my room anyway so it was usually either a disarray of plates and clothes, or neat, ironed, folded shirts and trousers. Before her arrival i never had time to iron or sort things out. Sometimes i left my bed messy just for her to have something to do for me. But I could just tell Lucy didn't like Holly, she couldn't even have the decency to hide it. But i understood her pain, change was difficult especially since i had been cold. I had been demanding of her, but also stopped her strengthening her talents, by stopping her talking to ghosts. I just got so worried something could happen to her just like it did with Jessica.

See, Holly is perfect. She's tidy, her teeth sparkle and her blouse has no crumples in it, she got scared on cases, unlike Lucy who was confident. Holly made me feel like a leader and gave me something to do, like when we were in Miss Wintergarden's house, and she was shaking with visible fear so i let her stand with me in my iron circle. But Lucy, she's a mess. She's untidy, her teeth are just simple white, and her shirts are always rumpled, with her dirty grey track bottoms if you put her and Holly in the same room it's like light and dark fighting, they both are the face of different things.

But Lucy being a mess should have meant i loved Holly more right? If Lucy was so undesirable i should have been chasing after Holly every chance i got, but no, i had to go and attach myself to Lucy instead. To an emotional wreck, to a dirty, beautiful, bright, girl. Of course, I'm so typical, after Jessica, after my parents and Psych's  and everyone who left me, i promised myself to never get attached again. Then i went and fell in love.

George knows, i just know it. I remembered his smug grin at me when me and Lucy were doing a one-off case together. His pencil scribbling down everything the skull had said to Lucy, even what it said about me being her 'master' or whatever. His little comments when i looked off for a while in Lucy's direction, or kept staring at the door when she had walked out hours before. He's too much of a smart-ass to not realise a minute difference in my tone, or mannerisms. Not that i have any. I'm hard to read, i just get messed up when i like someone.. apparently.

But everything got ruined the day we were celebrating our victory with the Chelsea Outbreak. Reading our encounter with the Poltergeist found at Aickmere's, on Page One of The Times. The Times! But my feeling of success faded fast after Lucy's speech, where she announced her retirement from my company. I could feel the world spinning around me, my drink tasted stale, the cake in front of us sagged and looked undesirable. The flush in my cheeks vanished, the joy in the room disintegrated and the end of the world was fast approaching.

I could not sleep, to be honest i couldn't sleep for months after. I stayed awake in the library, staring into the fire, or reading the twentieth issue of True Hauntings. My shirt creased from falling asleep in uncomfortable positions on the couch or the chairs in the library. I didn't even eat for a while. There sparked something within me, a recklessness, an impulse. I needed to feel happy, and the only way to get that energy back, was when i was on the brink of death. Teetering between getting cut up by a relic-man or falling to my death. Either way, I got close many times to meeting the other side. But i needed it, it became something i abused. Putting Holly and George in danger because i was so wrapped up in chasing that high. Feeling happy again while i ran so far i could feel the stitch growing across my chest. While i fought with evil Type Twos alone, because i pushed George to the Archives and Holly to stand guard for me. The sound of my sword cutting off their rotten flesh mesmerised me, because nothing hurt more than to actually think about what happened when she left.

I hadn't slept again, i slept for an hour exactly, i remember being awoken by the grandfather clock chiming down the hall. Every time i 'slept' in the library i heard it chime. Gold painted metal clock hands, swinging back and forth. I looked down, saw i still wore my shirt and tie, my shirt a complete assortment of wrinkles and creases within the fabric. I undid my tie and the top buttons of my shirt and hung my legs over the side of the chair. Nestling my head in the crook of the old chair, but i could not fall back asleep. So instead i grabbed a magazine and began reading.
My eyes raked across the blurred sentences till i finally heard some movement, hopefully George. I had never wished for George's presence any more than i had at that point. But it was Holly, opening the front door to clean up the mess we made last night.

I had quickly put the magazine back down and flung myself into a semi-comfortable position, my hand covering my face, i pretended to snore lightly. I heard the door creak open, high-heels tapping on the wood floor. "I know you're awake, Lockwood." She spoke

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